The Odd Couple: Breeding with Kuroshitsuji
by GNXmike
Summary: WTF! Shinigami are being slaughtered, Undertaker is accidentally enlisted in William's "Shinigami Breeding Program", Ciel and Sebastian are in a domestic rut, and Grell goes on strike! CielxSebastian, WilliamxUndertaker, GrellxWTF!
1. The End

The Odd Couple - a Kuroshitsuji fanfic

**Summary**: WTF? Shinigami are being slaughtered, Undertaker is accidentally enlisted in William's "Shinigami Breeding Program", Ciel and Sebastian are in a domestic rut, and Grell goes on strike? CielxSebastian, WilliamxUndertaker, GrellxWTF?

A/N: Okay I was inspired by **bladion13** and **the Ninja and the Writer **to hurry up and write this fic, and I know if I did the first chapter, it will keep me on my toes to write more.

Oddest pairs or pairs in the oddest situation, or a combination of the two, thus the name "the Odd Couple" CielxSebastian, WilliamxUndertaker, GrellxWTF?

Warnings: M+ okay, some may be uncomfortable with these pairings, Ciel at his age with Sebastian and all. There's um, gender issues that happens aaaand, there's also some violence that might read unsavory. Just a warning XD

On with the story!

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><p>Chapter I: The End<p>

It was evening over London, and night was creeping over the horizon, chasing the rest of the day away. Not too many were stupid enough to wander these streets at these hours... in these cities... wellll, except for those coincidentally on the Shinigamis' "death note". Back in the Shinigami's library, we find our favorite Manager of Dispatch, William T Spears in his office, reading over a loooong list of souls, ripened for reaping.

Said Shinigami adjusts his spectacles while reading, noting several children were listed here. After a strenuous hour of none stop, eye-ache reading, William summons a squadron of very young Shinigami to his office. One comes, a minute later then three, followed by five six minutes later. You get the point, they all drug their feet into William's office, unorganized, uniform worn however, some without their glasses (yeah, BIG crime), and worst of all, coming in sparse numbers. Thirty two minutes later, the young trainee squadron was packed into the office.

William stays seated, focused wholly on the list in hand, nowhere close to acknowledging the Shinigami before him. Judging by the calm of his being, his furrowed brow, and acting as if he didn't even know these teens were alive at all, this yuppie squadron knew very much so... William, was _pissed_... And that's scary...

*SPAT!* William rises, after smacking the list in hand upon his desk, impact sending loose papers flying around the room, scaring the holy shit out of everyone. His green eyes finally fix themselves on the youth, as he adjusts his spectacles in a seriously annoyed fashion...

"You all disappoint me..." his speech dangerously calm, "for shame to bear a revered title only to time after time fail miserably at up holding your position..."

The silence was deafening, as the older reaper slowly walked from his desk, approaching the young squadron in question. Several of them had eyes like saucers, and others trembled at the aura of the more experienced reaper. A cloud of anxiety hung over the younglings as they were on the verge of pissing in their pants from the fear of what they've done... again...

"You all come before me in total disgrace and disrespect to your duty... late... un-uniformed... glasses..." Spears ends with a hiss, the kids immediately straightening their ties, putting on their spectacles, and doing whatever else before standing erect in straight military fashioned rows. Too bad this wasn't the first impression...

"It seems to me the only way you all will finally learn is... an assignment..."

All the dual colored green eyes widens as William continues...

"Your assignments are simple, reap the souls listed to you within the hours before daybreak tomorrow..."

"... and if any of us fails, M-Mr. Spears?" asks a foolishly brave Shinigami, looking at the list that suddenly appears in his coat pocket. William pauses, glaring harshly at the teen in question. He approaches the boy, eyes narrowing more as he got closer.

"You'll find out... _**when **_you fail... Reaper Clinton" William hisses, his voice falling to a near whisper. The teen Shinigami nearly fainted, but didn't cause of what happened last time he fainted in William's office.

The kids were dispatched, and hurried off scrambling into the streets of London. Not only they hadn't the adequate time to collect this many souls within said time frame to goof up, but, if they did fail... it's unspeakable woe they thought. And the fact William didn't say what their punishment would be, only added to their anxiety...

* * *

><p>Well the teen squadron ran about the streets of Britain, quite frankly resembling cock roaches scrambling the streets from a bird's eye view, struggling with their assignments.<p>

So the first cock roach... I mean, Shinigami spotted one of his victims. It was an eleven year old fearful girl, wearing a yellow dress and bonnet with brown pig tails, who didn't really know why she was walking these streets in the first place. The reaper grinned and fixed his glasses, preparing for his attack. The girl came to the intersection, right in time for a...

"HA! I got you now, uh... uh" said reaper took out his list and spots the girl's name, "Lill-ee... Lillian Aber-naaa-th-th-, Abernathy," the girl panics with screams filling the air. Not knowing what else to do, the teen reaper tries calming the girl down, "Shhh! Shhh now, now it's, uh it's okay, I uh, uh, I'm uh... uh oh..." the girl then runs from the Shinigami's reach, forcing him to chase her down.

He passes some of his friends, his face blushing with shame, until he glanced at their problems. Either they were being chased by dogs, facing some tough hoodlums trying reap their souls, and what not. It actually made him feel better to see their strife, but he still could get punished for not fulfilling his assignment and so is more so driven to catch the girl.

As he runs, he sees the girl whip into a building. He races there, busting the door down with his sheers scythe, only to be greeted by an elderly woman... with a broom.

The young reaper could only grin. "Good evening ma'am, I was just-"

"Why you brute! YOU SCOUNDREL! Chasing my little girl!" screams the old woman, bashing the reaper with her broom, "Wait lady! You don't understand!-" says said reaper being bashed by a broom, "out, out you pedo-crook! Before I call the cops!"

The teen reaper surely runs out of sight, rethinking his assignment and of which fate was worse... to surrender, or deal with these souls he's suppose to reap...

* * *

><p>Another reaper had successfully made it into her harvest's bedroom. She slowly approached her victim's bed, which was shielded by canopy of silk drapes. She slowly pulls the drape to see a young man with neck length blonde hair. He was deeep asleep. '<em>This is going to be easy' <em>she thought, bringing her hedge trimmer scythe to the young man's neck.

Oh but then... in walks his butler.

"YOU!" cries the butler, waking his master and startling the reaper. Said Shinigami quickly regains her composure, drawing out her ID afterwards.

She starts, foolishly exposing herself, "This is Shinigami Drusilla McWiggiesworth, you have the rights to-"

"Oh a reaper eh?" interrupts the butler, his blue eyes growing wildly wide, with a matching wild grin. "Hehe, my kind don't take kindly to Shinigami" He extends his hand and out of nowhere, a comically long bamboo pole appears in his hand. His punk-ass master cries, squealing like a scared little girl, "Wh-who's t-that? Shinigami? What is she doing here?"

"She's here for your soul, but not to do for you as I, my lord" says the butler, his grin now showcasing pearly white fangs.

_Uh oh, this butler must be a demon_, the young reaper thinks as the butler engages in a stick fight with her. Luckily for the Shinigami, she has her hedge trim scythe to saw off the bamboo, each time the butler tried striking her. But, her luck ran out. Just as she saws off the last bit of pole, feeling very accomplished, the butler surprises her with an unexpected kick. Yes people, the butler kicked the girl, sending her through the window, several yards away from the mansion, falling four stories down smacking harshly on the ground. With a little luck on her side, another Shinigami climbing up an alley junk pile of wood and glass trying to break into the home of his harvest, was there the break the girl's fall, crushing him deep into the refuse.

* * *

><p>Ah yes, NO ONE was getting anywhere. The Shinigami from earlier with the eleven year old girl, was pacing near an alley, trying to figure the best way to approach his harvests. Suddenly, a figure appears in the shadows deep within the same alley. The teen looks to see something or someone very familiar, but the darkness obscured the image so that, it was hard to tell.<p>

"Who's there?" calls out the young reaper. "Why? Should you not know me?" says a voice much deeper than the boy. He approaches warily to see the mysterious figure leaning on the wall better. Something was surely familiar. Long hair trailing way below his waist. The vest worn and the pants were very familiar. There was something resembling a trailing trench coat as well. The colors were hard to make out as the upper half was completely in the shadows. However, the spectacles worn by this individual were glistening.

"I sense your fear little one... I've sensed it since you were dispatched..."

"Who are you? Don't play any games I'm warning you!" says the young reaper, with some assertiveness in his voice.

"You're fearing aren't you?" the British man's voice ever so calm, ever so eerie. "You fear these streets of its darkness and uncertainty. There's fear in what you may find in the darkness. You fear failure of your assignment, of William T. Spears... of me..." the man finished, leaning off the wall to stand fully on foot.

"What do you want from me? How do you know I'm Shinigami?" the young reaper asks, this time his fear present.

"I want to end your fears, end your pains and anxiety training as a Shinigami. Is it not fair to choose your way of life as you please? Express your own style, your gender, your own thoughts? We live a life lived for us as death spirits. Worrying over the souls of filthy lowly mortals, who continues to ruin the world further as each generation comes..."

"What are you saying?" the young reaper asks once more as the man steps forward some...

"I want you... to be free..." The man finalizes, summoning his bladed weapon...

* * *

><p>Around an hour later back at the library of the Shinigami, William confronted Grell, who was trying his best to sweet talk his way out of slacking on the job, yet again. However, a sudden something hits William in his gut (that is... if he HAS guts)... something hard...<p>

A hand laying harshly to his chest, William inhales with great grief, shock becoming his features. "Will my dear, are you suddenly not well?" Grell starts, actually glad that something else entered William's mind. "Suppose a little..." Grell puckers, in time for another Shinigami to enter the hallway and spot the uncharacteristic dismay on William's face...

"Sir?" The reaper starts, a woman with short dark hair, wearing a suit and tie, but with a plain short black skirt, opposed to pants. "Mr. Spears, is something troubling you? What is wrong?" William NEVER expresses... anything emotional wise, and the lady knew something was seriously wrong.

William doesn't respond, instead, his eyes widens and he inhales sharply but slight, then collapses to one knee, lightly panting a moment. "Don't die my precious persimmon!" cries the queen of drama, Grell, "Don't leave me behind, going where I cannot follow!"

Grell was all but kicked upside the head by the female reaper's foot, as she kneels down to William's aid, properly. She has reason to believe he was sick. "Mr. Spears? Tell me what's wrong? Are you ill?"

Her voice snapped him from, 'I look like I've just been raped' mode, and he shook himself back into reality. Although horror still riddled his expressions. "Something..." he finally says, "something's wrong... terribly wrong..." William's once flat hand still resting on his chest, encloses into a tight deathgrip on his clothes, his face falling to a slight wince. The lady reaper didn't ask another question, but wanted to. "Hilton..." Will says to her, "I want you to dispatch and lead our top squadron into mid London... I'll meet you there with Humphries and Knox..."

Lady reaper Hilton nods respectfully before leaving him to follow his orders. William rose from the floor, straightening his suit and left Grell without another word. Grell frankly said nothing on purpose. If he's lucky, this rising issue would be serious enough to cause William to forget about Grell.

* * *

><p>A little later that evening, a very, <strong>very <strong>disappointed Earl of Phantomhive returns to the Phantomhive Manor from the Undertaker's. We then find the our cute, one eyed Earl moping at his desk, lightly scratching a paper anxiously as if he were itching on paper. His butler enters with iced blueberry crumpets and Earl of Grey tea.

"Is there anything my lord needs before retiring for the night?" Sebastian asks with a small smirk from being amused at Ciel's pouty face.

"That Undertaker I swear..." Ciel grumbles, now politely taking out his frustration by crumpling the edge of the paper. "What could be so important that he couldn't give such simple answer? Just left us dry and not a word why..."

"I suppose it may have been far too urgent to explain" Sebastian tries to reason, "it might have just been intuition of an occurrence, something he couldn't explain until seeing it himself. He was a Shinigami now, so a lot of his powers are still be effective..."

"Maybe..." the boy continues to grumble, now doing his best to crumple the whole paper until it becomes as flat as it once was. His hand now tired of uselessly exerting energy, he looks at his butler with a yawn. "I'm sleepy now". Sebastian smiles and scoops Ciel into his arms and carrying him to his bedroom. Within a few minutes, Ciel's bath was nicely prepared with lavender essence.

Sebastian disrobed Ciel as he does usually for his bath. But, as Ciel gets in the bath, something strange happens... Ciel looks around, with a wild thought in mind. Looking at his butler, Ciel poses a question Sebastian wasn't so sure about answering.

"You've had quite the day as well, Sebastian... and I appreciate you making this bath special... but, maybe, maybe you could enjoy this, with me?"

Sebastian stopped and raised his eyebrow. He didn't like the sound of this or _where _this could lead to. He thought about it for a moment, then eyed the lavender essence bottle for no known reason important to any of us at this moment.

"My lord..." starts a wary butler, "I... I don't think..."

"I insist. Come in with me..." says the young earl, scooting over so Sebastian could sit with him. With a small shrug, Sebastian slowly disrobes... facing away from Phantomhive. Ciel is enamored by Sebastian's body as the articles of butler wear are slowly removed, like watching a smexy commercial on TV (though this is before televisions, you get what I mean). Sebastian turns slowly to face the bath, his raw beauty triggers a chain of perverted thoughts by his master. He gets in, quickly bringing up the bubbles to cover as much of himself as possible.

Those bubbles felt _soooo gooood_. And after a day as long as this one, sitting back in the master's tub of hot bubbles, was a pretty sweet idea. Laying back, nearly neck deep into water, Sebastian was feeling... peaceful. A sudden something rests on his chest. Looking down, Sebastian sees his master had cuddled really, really close to him and placed a hand on his chest. Like the rest of us, Sebastian was a little more than uncomfortable with this, but decides not to mind it. For those of us itching for something to happen, aren't minding it at all XD The pair rest like this for a few blissful moments before slowly going on with the bathing process. Little did they know though, an eye peeking through the keyhole watching them the whole time O.O

After the bath... thing... whatever the fuck that just was, Sebastian had dressed Ciel for bed and as for himself, he was wearing a bath robe he happened to find in his master's bathroom, convenient for this part of the story. Ciel was tucked in bed and Sebastian was about to leave for his room. But then...

"Sebastian..." says the voice of a boy frankly too young to be lord of anything, "ah... it's really dark and, I, I would like it if you could stay. Stay with me..."

Sebastian eyes Ciel nicely, but replies, "young master, you need your rest... If I keep you company, you'll never awake rested for morning..."

"Then... let's make it a sleep over..." Ciel's voice suddenly dropped to a strange intrigued whisper there. His grin and good eye widening with amusement as he rose from the bed. "Go fetch some tea, Sebastian..." Ciel's voice became _dangerously _smooth all of the sudden. "Oh and, instead of one teacup... I think we'll need two..." Sebastian bows with concern and heads off to fetch the tea. He comes back with a floral tea... actually, a tea spiked with a drug he hoped would quickly send Ciel into abysmal slumber. Ciel drank, and offered Sebastian some.

"It's okay master, I'm not that thirsty at this moment. I really made this for you"

"Oh really?" Ciel starts, "how come you won't drink? It's a special night"

"It's not that" Sebastian didn't want Ciel to suspect anything and so, well, he takes a cup... reluctantly. Oh well, at least he'll be guaranteed a damn good rest tonight.

"Lay with me, Sebastian..." Ciel moved and settled creating a space for his butler to rest. Sebastian just shrugged his shoulders, oh _whats the use_, he thinks, _he's got me, and whatever happens in unavoidable now_... Sebastian lays quickly, shutting his eyes and praying to the good lord that boy would go to sleep! Tonight, it seems as though the good lord decides to be naughty as, it seems Sebastian was not to have his wish. Ciel pops up tensely, hyperpoking Sebby's shoulder.

"Sebastian... Sebastian..." Ciel pokes. "Yeeess, m-my lord,"" goes a super sleepy, slightly annoyed butler, **still **praying this nut would go to sleep, "I... I... I just. Sebastian, did, did you realize what I was wanting? Wanting for us?"

Sebastian's already squinty eye, squints open looking at the young earl in question, wondering what the hell the boy was thinking of. "I'm one who many says am void of emotion... but tonight, after everything, all our troubles, I, I wanted to show you how much I appreciate what you do for me... although there's a price I'm bound to pay in the end but..."

"My lord..." starts the weary butler, "your smile and loyalty, is all I need of you"

"My loyalty?" Ciel questions. "Yes master" Sebastian starts again with a wide yawn, seriously mucking up his sexy face, "you're the most loyal human I've encountered. You've never questioned our contract or tried opting out of it..."

"_Really_?" the boy asks curiously, "Really, master" yawns the butler again...

"Oh okay, well that's all I wanted- good night!" Ciel sounds off strangely, before his head drops lifelessly on Sebastian's shoulder, snoring fast asleep now. The butler blinks dumbly, and shocked... what the hell was that about? What the hell with it all? It was the bath first, then the tea, then the bed... Sebastian was sure Ciel was heading it all towards seduction, but... it could have been the tainted tea that killed the whole ordeal. Or... maybe Sebastian is seeing things, or dreaming... _Hmm_, he thinks, _I_ _suppose he just_- *drop* zzzzz... Just like Ciel, Sebastian now drops dead asleep due to the tainted tea he foolishly drank to keep his master from suspicion.

It's such a cute sight, the adolescent master and his butler, deep in slumber beneath 13 inches of fine linens and silk bedding in the master's bed, snug as bugs in a rug... they were innocently sleeping together, nothing wrong there... for now...

With grave disappointment of the outcome of master's night, the strained, redden eye that's been spying for the last three hours on Ciel and his butler the whole time... without blinking, snatches back from the keyhole with a, "What the fuck?... you mean I wasted** two hours and 57 minutes **of my **entire **life... ON THIS SHIT?"...

* * *

><p>TADA! That's all for now folks! Haha! I know you all are as much disappointed with the outcome of Ciel and Sebastian's night as that "Peeping Tom" eye XD I felt it's a bit early for anything "meaty" to happen yet. This was only to wet your appetites for the future chapters as there are so many mysteries to be solved. Who's that guy in the alley? What was William sensing to make him crack like that? Why was Undertaker not able to aid Ciel that day? When did Ciel start having pervert thoughts about Sebastian? Who was watching Ciel and Sebastian with all that anticipation, along with us?<p>

Chapter 2 is when the good stuff starts, so stay alert! Please write plenty of reviews so I'll know how to make the story even better in the upcoming chapters.

~GNXmike

P.S.: check out my new poll on which other "Odd Couple" I should do, along with this one!


	2. Whatta' day, whatta night'

The Odd Couple - a Kuroshitsuji fanfic

A/N: Alright, here's the next chapter! The chapter is with some "meat" in the chili this time XD

I was sick :( and this would have been up sooner, sooo...

Thanks to **bladion13**, **OtakuMomokoHime** and** Earl Yumi Trancy **for faving and reviewing the Odd Couple =D Let me shout to** Lizzy139 **for faving the story too ^_^ and shout to **Dobe Fox** for your critiques :D

Let me also shout out to **the Ninja and the Writer **who suffered an injury recently, and would have read this if well. Get well Ninja!

This story is where the meat begins, aaaand... the horror O_O

And a way we go!

Chapter II: Whatta' Day, Whatta' Night

*clears throat* So, as we all learned from the last chapter that drinking tea drugged by demons, will promise you one hell of a beauty rest. Ciel and Sebastian surely sleeps as sleeping beauties, oblivious to the happenings beyond them...

Out in mid London, the streets were completely dead and void of... humanity. It could be because of an article about the "booger" man striking Scotland in the newspaper, or 'cause it's the night before Friday the 13th. But suddenly from a bird's eye view, we see something that looks like 5'-6' foot tall cock roaches creeping from one alley to another, meeting up at some planned rendezvous point. London and them cock roaches, tsk tsk tsk...

As they step into the light, their shadows take human form as they in the light... were none other than, ordinary, everyday Shinigami (thank god, thought there was an invasion of some sort). Reaper Hilton, looks around, making sure her squadron were all present. She stands as serious and near menacingly as William T Spears himself, no one dared to even speak to her most of the time. One Shinigami does decide to speak up though...

"I understand we are needed for some sort of urgent matter..." he calmly starts, while angrily sipping the hot mug of marshmallows and cocoa he just prepared to ease his nerves, before being forced into the streets at late hours by his totalitarian boss. "I would like to be enlightened with any information of our reason here..." he politely finishes, mentally demanding a damn good reason why he was drugged out of his cozy warm study, into the damp, cold, funky streets of London.

A sudden blast of cocoa and porcelain shards shouts everywhere, as said reaper with the once mug of cocoa, stands in mouth gaping shock as his eyes sees not only marshmallow had spattered on his specs, but Hilton's extending pruner scythe, had busted his mug. And this was not just any mug, it had to be his favorite one.

"Do I detect attitude, Reaper Hill?" Hilton starts in her usual cold-hearted manner. A scared swallow from Reaper Hill let her know that he wanted no shit from her. "Good then..." she says with a quick sadistic grin, before finishing seriously, "as for your question, William T Spears ordered us to meet in mid London, and await further instructions at his arrival..."

No one else says shit afterwards... or does shit. So... they stand... and wait... stand some more, while waiting... then wait some more while standing... no William... One brave little reaper decides to sit on the sidewalk, without getting on Hilton's bad side. Then another, quietly starts a conversation in whispers lower than a dog could hear (making us wonder if they're half dog... or something). 252 minutes later, Reaper Hilton finds herself the only one standing with great diligence, while everyone else either leaned up against randomly convenient lampposts nodding to sleep, sitting on the curb, yawning with a mouth wide enough to catch flies, digging for gold, scratching butts, or sleeping on nearby park benches, with one in particular using his push reel lawn mower scythe as an extremely uncomfortable pillow.

"He's here..." Hilton speaks, her voice was chilling despite being a woman, and everyone pops up to life and are standing erect, prompt and alert as ever. _Exactly _a second after, William and his tribe of two approaches Hilton and hers of tens.

"I apologize for the wait, we were slightly inconvenienced" William explains but quickly finishes, "he lost his glasses again..." goes a Ronald in 'smart-alec' mode, struggling to hold back a chuckle (not a wise thing to do if your boss is a chief death god 0.o). The slight death-glare he received from William, killed Ronald's urge to even smirk, and he quickly nods respectfully, hoping William wouldn't chop him up and eat his bits up for this X(

After a cleared throat, William continues, "It is a dark and damp night before morning, and something's terribly wrong... I felt it back at the library, I felt a near pang of... of fear almost"

Everyone's squinty eyes grows as big as saucers, making them look literally like a social club of owls for a brief moment, before William continues, "earlier I assigned one of the trainee squadrons to reap this list of souls. We must recruit them immediately and return to the library". With a bow, everyone scatters to find the young ones, however William stands with a bit of nerves showing in his face. Not to his surprise, Reaper Hilton didn't leave immediately. She slowly walks to him, placing a hand of hers on his shoulder, looking up into his dual colored irises.

"Mr. Spears, you're worried, aren't you? About the trainees?"

Hilton reads through William like... (need witty phrase here *~*) William doesn't say, but just walks away from her, readying his scythe for any unpleasant surprises. Hilton soon feels something in her gut as well, something dreadful... No, not the bowl of habanero chili giving her indigestion again, this _is _different. With a sigh, she walks off in search of the young squadron of Shinigami...

* * *

><p>It is a beautiful morning, the Sun nice and bright, the air cold and crisp, cozy warm indoors... yes, it was just a wonderful morning... for most. A young lady with a train wreck style purple mane (yeah, she was looking that bad) finally decides to wake from hibernation, and crawl out of her cave of bedding. Her sleep ridden eyes finally catch light of the time displayed on the floor clock. 11:56am.<p>

"Oh shit!" she cries, "WAKE UP! We've over slept!" in doing so waking, a blonde boy that literally shoots out of his bed and into the ceiling from the girl's yelling. Then waddles up an old, short and fat Japanese version of Al Sharpton, and lastly rising from the floor beside his bed was a young American blonde, believe it or not, smoking the same cigarette from when he went to bed.

"May-LENE!" screams Baldroy, "what have I told you about waking me at this HOUR? You bitch!" The girl, who had speedily dressed herself, and pulled her mane into two quick pony tails, rebuts "F-Y-I, I NEVER wake you up, asshole! That's Sebastian's job! And it's **way **late!" "Ho, ho, ho..." Al Sharpton- I mean, Tanaka replies, as that seems to be the only thing he knows to say. "Mph-rubblerghph!" Everyone looks up at the ceiling to see Finnian had shot himself into the ceiling from the shock of Maylene's wake up call.

"Don't worry, I got this..." says Maylene, who runs up and bounces on Finnian's bed, with the intention of reaching him and pulling him down, all for it to fail. She bounces on the bed only to miss the boy and fly herself straight out the window with a, "AHHHHH!~ MOTHER-FU-" *splat!*

43 minutes later, everyone finally makes it to their master's room, only to be greeted by another problem. In the master's bed, was no master, just a comically large boulder of sheets and comforters. The household trio approach warily, just in time for the boulder of doom to rock and start rolling towards them. Due to sheer panic, the trio just stood there, waiting to get devoured by this hallucination of a fabric boulder monster.

"Ho, ho... ho?" says a really scared little Tanaka, right in time for a- *KA-POW!* a nuclear explosion of blankets, sheets and pillows firing everywhere in master's room. After the devastation of the bedroom, Maylene and the gang pulls themselves out of the bedding rubble, to find in the bedding's epicenter, a very shocked Sebastian, wrapped and tied securely in a sheet with his very _un_-amused master, the infamous Ciel Phantomhive. Sebastian stares at everyone, after untying himself from Ciel but wrapping the sheet around himself firmly after noticing the bath robe he slept in managed to fly off him and onto a nearby lamp somehow, leaving him (without the sheet) nude. "I beg your pardon," he starts calmly, "allow me to proper myself, before I serve" Sebastian then quickly zips out, feeling enormous blush pressure to his cheeks.

Ciel watched Sebastian dart out, only to get turned on by the tiny glimpse of his raw butt as the sheet flared a little when he darted out. That site puts a grin on Ciel's face... an _amused _grin on his face... an _eerily _amused grin on his face... a eerily _perverting_- you get the idea. It hits Ciel how he must be looking to his servants and immediately returns to his stone face. Finnian, being Finnian, was very uneased by what he detected and goes, "uh... I must go master and uh, stop those gophers from... eating y-your rutabaga garden!" ending with a zip out, hoping Ciel wouldn't start looking at him the way he did Sebastian.

Ciel just cocks an eyebrow, thinking _'if that bony twat thinks I have any interest where he's concern...'_

* * *

><p>1 hour and ten minutes later, everyone was finally downstairs, dressed and proper for breakfast. Ciel patiently waits his meal, sipping tea and reading the paper, while his stomach roared and shook the table, like the tyrannosaurus rex that ate everybody during the Jurassic period. Sebastian came, dressed in his usual wear, with breakfast he quickly prepared. He served it all out, a Scottish style breakfast of back bacon, link sausage, buttered toast, eggs, baked beans, sliced sausage, black pudding (Scottish styled), grilled tomatoes and mushrooms, tatte scones, and a bunch of other things that is just too much to list.<p>

This is somewhat commoners feed but Ciel didn't care! He was so hungry, and the food smells like a slice of heaven, and just as Ciel is to take his first bite...

"MASTER PHANTOMHIVE!..." Blasting through the door without any formal permission, is a green eyed geeky guy wearing glasses, a suit and tie, holding a rake... _'Let me guess' _the un-amused Ciel thinks, _'...Shinigami'_

"Oh Lord, Phantomhive!" starts the frantic man, "it's been a holocaust! Bloodshed, guts, dead teens... **teddy bears**!"

Ciel's unimpressed brow twitches in tune with the growl of his stomach, "Can this wait until after our meal-" "Quick sire, you must come and see!" The man interrupts, grasping the starving adolescent by the arm and whirling out the door with him, leaving his plate full behind. Sebastian and others follow, also leaving their full plates behind.

The guy drags our favorite adolescent earl through London, from one stinky alley to another until they come to their destination...

This site, it strikes even our most emotionless earl to his core. Ciel's eye stretches in horror, his mouth dropping in site of... this:

A street thickly tainted with blood and twisted fleshy material, accompanied with what appears to be a violent mass slaughter of people. As Ciel dares to take a few steps further forward, he notices many men and women dressed in suits and spectacles, sorrowfully attending the remains of the slain. In looking closer, they all looked like Shinigami. This notion is confirmed when catching sight of the various scythes lying about.

"My lord, wh-what happened? Who did this?" Ciel asks, sincerely concerned. "That is a mystery even to us" answers the man who was indeed Shinigami and had brought Ciel to this site. "They were amongst our youngest squadrons. What used to be a class of near 70 is now only 12..." The man's eyes glassed on finishing his statement. "We have nothing on the killer. The only thing discovered is, the killer only killed Shinigami, and left each of his victims with a teddy bear resting upon them..."

Ciel didn't even catch what the man said, as he could only think about William, Grell and Undertaker. "Oh my" Ciel starts, slightly worried, "What about William Spears?... and Undertaker? Even Grell Sutcliff?" The man exhales before answering, "Grell, I don't know where the hell he is, but he definitely wasn't here. I don't know about Undertaker, but William... follow me"

The man takes Ciel down the street and into a broad alley. There, Ciel bypasses several bodies that either had been bagged or covered with a black cloth, with tags on them. Also passing them were mourning Shinigami attending remains they hadn't addressed. Several bodies were ripped of their limbs, their mid-sections gutted out, and some with without their heads. The worst thing seen was the pile of body parts, limbs and heads. None of these parts were with any flesh, much less their original attire, and most of the heads in this pile were crushed. The site nearly makes Ciel gag and he shields his eye afterwards, not wanting to see anymore.

Finally they reach a congregation of Shinigami on the street, many crying while gently holding one of the victims in their arms. Ciel runs up but stops some distance. The victim was a young teen boy, his whole arm ripped from the socket, a leg chopped off, and his body in severe bloody ruin. His glasses were busted into his eyes, leaving his face full of cuts and lesions, and his eyes in utter ruin. Despite the horrendous condition of the young reaper's, he was **still **breathing. Ciel finally notices William there beside the boy, urging something of the poor victim. It surely was a site to see, William was nearly in tears.

"Please Harrelson," speaks an uncharacteristically shaken voice from William, "please, hang on... at the least, tell us who did this to you... can you describe him?..." The teen doesn't say, just wheezes some, struggling to breathe. William slowly and gently takes the expiring reaper into his arms, the child's head resting lifelessly on his shoulder. William's voice drops to a low soothing whisper "please Harrelson, say something... _say something_, to me..." the teen reaper's head cocks up slightly, but then falls back, "Mm... M-Mr. S-Spears..." he gasps afterwards... nothing else.

William holds the lifeless boy Shinigami in his grip for a sad moment, before resting the body on the ground. The reapers around him lament over loosing the only surviving victim. William didn't know what to do now. At least if the boy lived, they could get some information about who the murderer could've been. Ciel gains the courage to approach William and try to get further information of what had happened.

"William..." Ciel starts as William finally stands but never looks at the earl, "this gentleman, brought me here and, told me... a little of what happened" William says nothing, just continues to stare downward at the dead reaper. Soon Hilton, a Shinigami the Earl or Phantomhive is not familiar with, approaches him. "Young Earl Phantomhive," she apparently knew who he was, "Mr. Spears cannot accept any questions at this time"

Ciel gets mad and rebuts, "I must learn more about this incident, miss..." "Hilton" she says, revealing only her surname, "matters involving this case is highly reserved, and is to be addressed by _only _Shinigami... You have our permission to leave"

Ciel's 'jackass' mode was turned on. He was going to be as stubborn as Mt. Everest right now and was not going anywhere without his answers. The problem for him was, he is NOT Mt. Everest. Ciel gasps as a large pair of pruners are at his throat, ready to prune him. Hilton smirks a Ciel's scared face while poising her scythe at his throat and says, "I'll let you ignorant mortal off with a warning, leave **now**". Just then, something fast and metallic strikes the pruners away from Mt. Ever- Ciel's throat. Hilton and Ciel turns to see Sebastian appearing out of nowhere using his famous silverware techniques, saving the day like all our favorite action heroes X)

The others shows up too, just as Sebastian looks to Ciel, "Master?..." the butler in black says before glaring the monotone reaper before him. She chuckles darkly, readjusting her scythe in hand, "well if it isn't your notorious vermin of a butler, Sebastian Michaels...", "Michaelis, madam" corrects the demon who indeed was trying to be civil with her. However, Hilton swiftly poises her pruners to his throat, with a, "watch it, demon... this is Shinigami territory as of now. You may consume souls, but we ARE the reapers of souls... _any _souls... you wouldn't want to be the next listed on the collector's list now would you?"

Sebastian smiles nicely, frankly a disappointing response to Hilton, "I wouldn't worry about that so much, given that there's a phantom killer of reapers on the loose... I'd suggest that you should be the one on look out, if you don't want to be listed next on his list... Shinigami" Hilton narrows her already narrow eyes with sheer rage, but Sebastian takes his leave, with his stubborn master, still believing he's Mt. Everest and all...

The Phantomhive group leave the scene of the Shinigami crisis, off to more familiar streets.

* * *

><p>"Did you see what we saw, master?" Finnian asks, oblivious to the fact Ciel <strong>had <strong>to have been through the whole area, and surely would have seen even a _little _of the slaughter. "-It was like, hundreds, and hundreds, a-and more hundreds of dead teen Shinigami! Did you see the boy that died in William Spears' arms, his condition? I only saw at a distant view..."

Ciel tried to ignore Finnian's blabbering by thinking about Undertaker. "Come on," Ciel starts, "we must find Undertaker. Yesterday I wanted to ask him about Madam Anson's recent murder as she was of great interest to me...". "You must be wandering if this slaughter of reapers are connected in anyway, is that right?" Sebastian suggests, telepathically knowing this to be true. Ciel kinda nods, paying a visit to the Undertaker's was his next priority.

Well, thanks to that numbskull reaper who drugged them all the way out into the-middle-of-nowhere London without any transportation, Ciel in the gang were left walking to Undertaker's. Walking from the location of the slaughter, where there were no transportation services available, was going to be one hell of a walk. As they walked... and walked... and walked, Maylene jumps at the sound of a T-Rex running up in front of them. "MEEEP!" she goes, landing on our favorite potty mouth chef. "Dammit! What the hell is that for?" Bard was already not in the mood for walking, much less for a sky raining Maylenes on him.

Then goes the roar again, "that sound!" Maylene yells, "Can't you hear it? It's coming from-" Ciel up ahead turns to face the quarreling duo, "what?" he asks bitterly, another roar sounding off, "it's just my stomach" "Dear lord" Finnian starts frantically, while Ciel's eye twitches from pure irritation "what's wrong with you, poor master? What's in there making that sound? I-is it making you sick?-"

* * *

><p>Finally, they make it to the street of Undertaker's address. Finnian had earned himself a brand new black eye for rambling, the source of the blow remaining a little uncertain however. As they're making their way to his shop, Finnian cries...<p>

"LOOK, UNDERTAKER!" Ciel jumps in surprise, landing straight into the inconveniently placed puddle aside the sidewalk. "Look bocchan it's, it's-" Finnian as well as everyone else turns to see Ciel, sitting in a puddle, soaking him with it's aroma and fragrance of soot and years of street grime. Ciel calmly looks up at everyone, eye twitching really bad, along with the hunger he's suffered since this morning. Sebastian could tell by this kind of eye twitching, Ciel... was pissed. And that's not good.

"Master..." Sebastian starts, removing his jacket to secure around the soaked child. "My apolog-" "Don't say it" Ciel interrupts, dangerously relaxed and monotone, "let's just see the Undertaker before he disappears again and I have to relive all this shit tomorrow..."

* * *

><p>On approaching the shop said black eyed gardener claimed to see Undertaker, the elderly man dressed in black had his back to everyone, so he didn't see the approaching crowd. Ciel was not in the mood for Undertaker's silliness today. Not eating breakfast, dealing with those Shinigami, getting soaked in puddle and all, Ciel just wanted a <strong>straight <strong>answer... that's all.

"Hello there-" "Ahh..." the old man interrupts with that infamous chuckle, "welcome to my presence, as I assume you wish to speak with... the **Over**taker" ... As the man spins to face the young earl, Ciel's mouth drops. This man had long tousled grey hair, lime green eyes, wearing a long black coat with a crooked top hat, a long dark grey scarf and buckled boots... but indeed, he is NOT Undertaker. Ciel stares blankly and unmoving, while his stomach continued it's thundering orchestra.

"Master?..." Pokes Sebastian, not clear on what just happened. That's when... it happens... what is not likely to happen to the great Earl of Phantomhive, happens. Ciel collapses to the ground, clutching hand fulls of hair on his head with an,"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" quaking all of Great Brittan in the process... even quaking me while I was typing this sentence. Ciel is not crying, okay... that sucker was bellowing and wailing a flash flood... without warning. The boy had never felt this bad or had a worse day... until he woke up this morning.

"Young Phantomhive?" starts the Over-taker, a jazzy sort of British man, "now, now kid, it's going to be oookay. I can tell this day, wasn't yours", "Of course it wasn't!" Ciel sounds off, "I hadn't a morsel to eat- Shinigami drug me through hell- then I had to walk an infinity from hell just to learn that *looong sniff* you aren't the Undertakerrrrrr!..." The old man smiles as Ciel wipes his torrentially flooding eyes and finishes, "the worst part is it's late! Very late! And I have nothing to show for my plight!"

"Well," the old man starts, "shouldn't that be, a good thing? If the day is over, then ends all your problems" Ciel looks up at the man, seriously curious of what he's about to say, "remember kid, bad days are made bad by how we view them. They make us appreciate all the good days we do have... I take it your tribe was with you the whole time..." Ciel just glares at the peanut gallery behind himself, aka "the Phantomhive Household members". "They may cause ruckus, but to suffer the same shit as you, with you, makes them a worth wile bunch lucky to have..."

Ciel glares at the man and his lame words of wisdom as he finishes, "Tonight, you'll have a good night, and will gain more than a lifetime..." Ciel gets to his feet, very embarrassed of his actions, gesturing for everyone to leave before the old lout could say another irritating thing... "Oh by the way, son" the Overtaker starts again, "can you spare your old man some change?"

* * *

><p>"Very kind of you to purchase scones and coffee for that elderly man..." Sebastian comments, trying to soothe the young master's frayed nerves, while holding back the urge to chuckle at Ciel's situation. They were all walking back to the Phantomhive Manor at late evening, starving, beaten, weary, foot ache, and what not.<p>

"Yeah, but that was after everyone glared at master for violently assaulting the poor old guy" Maylene adds nonchalantly, "Assaulting? I just merely nudged him with my foot out of anguish of his hideous comment towards me for denying him change... no one sides with me when I'm insulted, but takes his side just because he shouts rape!" goes the defensive, monotone 13yr old, "a nudge from the foot is very different from kicking someone in the crotch... twice... and I can see someone reading that as 'sexual harassment'" Bard replies sinisterly, "Honestly I don't think calling you a "little ol' cheapskate pimp", warranted that..." Ciel glares Bard, blushing harshly.

Sebastian then stops and glares at the group behind, eyes radiating in demon pink, and darkness swarming around them. Everyone shuts up, as the now menacing demon didn't look very warm and fuzzy right now. "Let us not direct anymore conversations towards the complications of master's day; the repercussions won't be savory... for anyone..." No one speaks after Sebastian, as he releases everyone from the 'scary movie scene'. Ciel was beyond thankful of Sebastian shutting up everyone's pie holes. The butler turns to proceed to the manor, just in time to stumble over a pebble, landing straight into another inconveniently placed puddle in the street. This had to happen after he made that dramatic speech. Sebby just lays there unmoving in utter embarrassment.

Everyone, with the exception of Ciel, bursts into cartoonishly hysterical laughter, not being able to control themselves one iota. Bard in particular laughs the hardest, and shouts to the now soaked butler, "Ha, ha, ha! Don't laugh at master he says; well then Mr. Big, Scary Fuck-ass Demon, will there be any repercussions for talking about this one?"

* * *

><p>Everyone arrives at the Phantomhive Manor safe and... well, safe anyway. Each member walks in as stone faced as Ciel Phantomhive, though Bard enters grumbling some extremely explicit profanity, over gaining a professionally made, king sized black eye, with a well soaked Sebastian following him saying, "You got off with an easy warning... Now let there be not one more smart alec the rest of this night".<p>

The manor had the smell of old food being left out for the flies. '_Old food? Breakfast_!' Ciel thinks, zipping straight into the breakfast room. Everyone had the same track of mind, and zooms off to eat the breakfast they never ate. Ciel, as well as the others, sits merrily, not bothering that the food is old and stale, but just that there was finally food for his hungry belly. But as he reach for the fork, out from a dark corner behind a table, crawls out a cock roach (no not a Shinigami, a real roach this time). It zips carefully onto the dining table, speedily crawling over Ciel's meal to take a few random bites, and zips off the plate, off the table and into its hiding place, all done in a few seconds of time.

Ciel stares blankly at the now violated meal of his, everyone else now eying their meals with a questioning look. But, Ciel smiles, _manically_... I mean, creepily uncharacteristic of him, takes out a napkin to rest on his sopping soiled clothes, and then without ANY hesitation, takes a proud, large bite of his food. Everyone looks in great shock that the regal earl would even touch food tainted by side table cock roaches, but as every belly at the table thunders from never having a meal, table manors were thrown out the window as everyone scarf their old, stale breakfasts down, followed by scarfing down any leftovers in the pots Sebastian prepared the meal in and didn't clean earlier.

* * *

><p>After the eating episode, Sebastian had prepared his master's bath so he may retire for the night. Ciel comes to a bath prepared with jasmine essence... *an <em>aphrodisiac <em>essence*. Ciel approaches, then looks at his butler with a grin... a lusting grin. Ciel gets in the bath as Sebastian kneels down beside the tub with a shadow of a smile. "This bath is perfect..." starts the young master, "most befitting way to end such trial-some day" "yes my master," Sebastian replies, as he always does. "I... I would like to... finish what wasn't done last night... your day was no better than mine and... I need to thank you for aiding me the whole day" Ciel finishes, but then asks, "would you... join me once again?"

Sebastian pauses, and then thinks about it. Ciel is his master right now, and what better master than one who volunteers himself... like this...

Sebastian's eyes narrows gently, and his grin quite... seductive *rape face*. Maybe he didn't want this yesterday, but after surviving shit today... fuck yeah let's do this! Sebastian stands without a word said, undoing his wet clothes to slip in with the 13yr old. Ciel blushes at Sebastian's bold move, especially when he gets in, snuggling next to him. Ciel's heart is fluttering... like all ours. From nerve, excitement, anxiety... something else I can't think of...

His butler smoothly slides the boy between his parting legs, Ciel's back against him. Ciel is blushing reeeally hard, and his heart doing several cartwheels. A master ain't supposed to be... 'fooling around' with his butler like this, it's quite taboo. Ciel's pushes his better judgment away, wanting to... explore where this was leading him. Sebastian then slides his hands around the boy's narrow sides, sliding lower and lower, 'til he reached Ciel's hips, and gently inching his way to the boy's groin.

Ciel gasps slightly, but moans in pleasure at the feeling of fingers relishing his balls and his cock. Sebastian was giving the boy's first masturbation and Ciel returns the favor with, after gaining the guts to do so, sliding his hands down behind himself and between Sebastian's legs. The butler couldn't help his chuckle when feeling tiny hands grope his dick, inexpertly. Just imagine it, that would tickle...

Little did the unlikely pair realize as they enjoy symbiotic masturbation, that little Peeping Tom was back with a vengeance, staring at the whole thing with his _good _eye.

After bathing, Ciel was dressed and in bed, ready for sleep. But after all that in the bathtub, do you really think sleep is on Ciel's mind? Sebastian turns to put out the candles, but Ciel stops him with a surprising,"Not yet!" Sebastian looks in slight shock, but quickly regains his astute, suave composure, our favorite mode of his. "Sebastian, I... it's a bit lonely in here and, if it weren't a bother..." Something happens to young Phantomhive, despite his usual professional and clinical nature... the birds and the bees and that jasmine bath, worked a magic that turned our once cold, emotionless, monotone, matter of fact, iron fisted, task master- you know what I mean, into a manically grinning, giggly, blushy, rocking back and forth, crazed, rabid Grell-Sutcliff-version-of-a-Sebby-fangirl, madly batting the only eye of his we get to see.

Sebastian's once squinty slanty eyes are now as large as the rims on your SUV (without disfiguring his smexy face), '_what could have entered Ciel's mind to turn him into... this?_' our favorite demon butler ponders. "Y-yes, my master?" Sebastian couldn't believe he's fearing a 13yr old human right now and fearing what he'd be asked of, but... who wouldn't with this kind of behavior?

"I-I was wondering if... could you sleep with me again?" says a Ciel that sharply switches from madly rabid fangirl mode, to being just being a little coy and slightly nervous, but regaining his normal stature, earning us a 'whew, the author didn't turn him psychotic' relief...

Sebastian exhales with deep relief and responds, "oh, is that all?... of course my master, I thought you were asking something else of I..." Sebastian apparently knows things worse than demons in bed with 13yr old boys that we aren't aware of, and was relieved of his master's request. He slips under the cover, taking in the coziness for a few serene moments, before... getting to what we've all been waiting for...

Let the fun begin!

The butler sends the sheets away from himself and his master, before smoothly climbing atop the boy, planting his knees on either side the boy's hips. Ciel is now getting that chill we're all getting from just reading this... Sebastian lowers his face, lowers his lips to Ciel's, while unbuttoning Ciel's night shirt. While that was happening, Ciel places his hands around Sebby's neck, and gently pulls his bathrobe lapels open, revealing the bare beauty of Sebastian, fangirls (and fanboys) dream to see.

By the time Sebastian's robe was open and Ciel's shirt is off, their lips were lowered upon each others. Ciel's heart been doing some back flips since the bathing episode, but know his heart is doing incredible gymnastics, putting gold medal Olympians to hellish shame.

Ciel takes a deeeep breath, allowing the man atop to plant an indulgent french-kiss to his lips. Yes, I know you fangirls are screaming now, but you ain't seen nothing yet. Sebastian tastes the young boy as his tongue is swirling around Ciel's tongue, firmly locking their kiss. Ciel's mind is on edge, managing this kiss and Sebastian's hands now groping his sides, down to his pants where he can feel Sebastian's hands undoing them, undoing him. He feels his bare legs and butt on the bed now, then comes a sensation, as his butler's thumb now messages his young cock, the feeling grows gradually forceful.

They break their kiss, and just stare into each others' eyes. Ciel cracks a small, small smile. Sebastian returns it with his suave grin *rape face* and then lowers his tongue to the boy's lips, tracing down his chin and down his neck, where he smoothly brushes his fangs on Ciel, and gives a quick bite to the flesh, causing minor blood release. Ciel winces before he relaxes and adjusts to Sebastian's teeth cutting into his neck. "Sebastian..." the young earl starts, "enough teasing me, let's..." "...Consider it done, my master" Sebastian was excited to the bone, but his exterior remains calm the whole way through.

His fingers then meet Ciel's cock again, his finger beginning to probe his master's entrance. Ciel's heart is performing Olympic grade gymnastics now, especially with Sebastian's finger now inching into him. There was... pain... but, a good feeling pain, one you want to feel over and over. A pain you want to increase and grow; and grow it did. It doesn't take too long for Sebastian's finger to be replaced with his index finger, going deep enough to tap the boy's prostate. Ciel gasps and arches his back at that feeling, rocking his hips forward to continue feeling his butler's finger against him. Sebastian smiles, eyes getting lustful as he continues to tap his master's G-spot.

But as he pulls out, that's when... it had to happen. Ciel looks up, seeing Sebastian was preparing to stroke himself to hardness and enter him, and cries, "Wait! I... I..." Sebastian smoothly plants another kiss to the boy's lips, charming him out of fear of experiencing this... but it doesn't change his mind. As the kiss is broken, Ciel continues with a dizzied grin, "I, I'd like..." "... yes master, anything..." Sebastian replies, just as smooth as a Friday evening, "I'd, like... I'd like if you could... ride me"...

...

O.O

...

"... ?..." Yes, Sebastian wasn't the only one with this mental response. That "Peeping Tom" eye peeking at them through the keyhole thinks the same as we all are right now...

"Pardon?" goes a very thrown off, caught off guard, disbelieving-in-what-he-just-heard Sebastian, "yes..." goes the dizzily grinning earl, "I, I want you to ride me, ride me wildly" Ciel's eyes were full of lust and hunger... sexual hunger. Sebastian cringes mentally, but for his master, a gentle smile is seen with a "yes my master" and a mental '_aww fuck'_.

So... with a _minor _change of plans, Sebastian begins to stroke the boy's cock, Ciel relished the moments of Sebastian handling him as he messaged from his balls to his dick, up the neck and to the head. It doesn't take long for Ciel to harden ready. Sebastian then prepares to do, what is never for him to... He lifts his master's shaft up against his, his heart now fluttering of what he's about to do... to himself. Since Ciel is much smaller than he is, Sebastian feels just simply easing Ciel's cock into his entrance would be no problem. BIG MISTAKE. Ciel is not the size of a finger... a small finger at that, and the feeling was complete pain. Especially since he didn't prepare himself for this.

Ciel is blind to his butler's misery, completely absorbed into the euphoric feeling of penetrating Sebastian for the first time. As Sebastian thrusts him in and out, slowly inching him deeper inside, Ciel feels Sebastian's warm, moist membranes squeezing tightly around his cock. Oh this all feels too good for Ciel. Without thinking about what his was doing, Ciel wraps his legs around his butler and, pretty fiercely, thrusts himself fully, ramming right against Sebastian's prostate without warning. Sebastian let's out a surprised 'yelp!' and collapses on Ciel. Ciel giggles as the impact sends Sebastian into his first orgasm, his seed bursting all around the boy.

Both experience a deep euphoria, Ciel wraps his arms around Sebastian, and his butler reacting the same. Sebastian's viscous fluids acts as a lube for Ciel sink in more, just in time for Ciel to spill cum inside his butler. Sebastian smiles at Ciel's trembling face, watching him screw his brains out. The boy is having his first orgasm, his heart now doing a one man Cirque du Soleil performance. Sebastian enjoys Ciel's orgasm more than he thought. The feeling of his master ejaculating his warm seed into him, coating him internally, turned out to be very, pleasurable and satisfying.

After all that, Sebastian pulls away and cuddles warmly next to Ciel. They stare at each other one last time before Sebastian pulls the sheet over themselves, and plants one last kiss to his master's lips. "Pleasant dreams, my young master" Ciel smiles but is already fast asleep. Sebby too falls fast asleep, both lovebirds oblivious of that Peeping Tom, who just enjoyed a show even 3D television could provide more gratifying.

However, it ends with him whispering, "oh shit, damn!" and scurrying off in seeing Maylene coming down the hall with her mug of cocoa. Lord knows what would happen if she caught him... then caught Ciel and Sebastian O.O

YAY I'm DONE! hehe, we've finally got some 'juice' out this story, even that Peeping Tom did, whoever he is XD However it's only the beginning. Let me know your thoughts, all thoughts comments are welcomed. I gave a hint as to who "Peeping Tom" was, try to figure it out!

Next chapter preview/bite: Undertaker appears in the next chapter, and has gets quite a visit, but thanks to Sebastian, it won't be Ciel visiting him 8O

Also visit my poll on the other Odd Couple I should do...

~GNXmike


	3. William loses it

The Odd Couple - a Kuroshitsuji fanfic

A/N: Yeh-yeah! The next chapter is here!

This chapter is more about getting in depth of the story, and what the hell is happening in the first place XD It's a little longer than the other chapters, and the next chapter won't be this long 0.o

And now a shout to my supporters:

bladion13

OtakuMomokoHime

Earl Yumi Trancy

Lizzy139

diamondkat

Trinity Phantomhive

And a special shout to critics and my tutor:

Dobe Fox for your critiques :D

Dani-of-the-Dark, my new English tutor :3 thanks for the assistance, lord KNOWS I need it -_-'

This chapter is a little more involved, and where other weird things begins...

Into the reading we go!

* * *

><p>Chapter III: William loses it...<p>

"EXTRA, EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! TEDDY BEAR MURDERER STRIKES AGAIN, 50 TOP SHINIGAMIS VICTIM OF NEW MORNING KILLING!..." screams a poor little child, they got running like mad delivering papers entitled 'Death Scythe Times', a news paper obviously distributed exclusively within the Shinigami Library. The Shinigami paper boy was literally slinging those rolled up papers left and right through out the halls. Some smacking through the door of William Spear's study, knocking all of his newly stacked cataloged notes about the room. One landed atop Alan Humphries' head and knocks his glasses off. One flies into the women's restroom. One smacks Lawrence at the back of his head, making him spill his coffee in his lap, the boy even through one paper sailing through a window, across one room into another, landing flat on the mug Reaper Hill spent 14 1/2hrs gluing back together since Reaper Hilton busted it (of course he's crying like a bigass baby right now XD)

Aside from those _minor _mishaps, it appears the Shinigami were struck again by the mysterious 'teddy bear killer', as a squad of 50 William dispatched to reap certain souls wound up brutally slaughtered beyond imagination, just like last time with those teens.

William may have been sad about the teens, but now after these news, this particular morning, particularly how he received it, a particular anger was furrowed on his face. It wasn't the everyday brand of anger he usually wore on his face. This wasn't even his brand of 'I'm really pissed right now' anger. This was a Grinch brand anger. If he were only green...

William was standing closely before a window in a conference room appearing to have a hand to his chin, brows knotted tight enough to start knitting quilts of hatred. He was looking out at no particular object, eyes burning with fury while despising this particular morning.

Hilton walks in, noticing the flames of hell emitting from William's aura, and decides to be brave enough to 'comfort' him. "Mr. Spears" she starts while standing behind, receiving a Fred Flintstone style grumble from the taller reaper. "I know you're hurting... I feel your pain, as well as the others. This has just been a bad week for the Shinigami" Hilton continues, completely void of emotion and yet trying to comfort. Just then, Ronald Knox enters, noticing a really mean face reflecting off the window.

"W-What's up with you?" Ronald struggles to not laugh at William's grinchy reflection. Hilton turns to him with a perturbed look (which, she always look perturbed) "This is most not a comical matter..." she starts seriously, the look on her face made William any day look pretty pitiful, "50 of our top squadron were murdered this morning, nearly 24 hours after the last slaughter, Friday morning" Ronald takes a comically scared gulp as Hilton continues and fully faces him, "we as Shinigami are facing a holocaust, facing an intangible enemy successfully carrying out our extinction, and you stand here giggling as jolly as a clown at William's anger towards our demise?" she ends all that shit with a menacing whisper and her pruners at Ronald's throat.

Ronald and Hilton both hear a grumble from their Manager of Dispatch, causing them to look and see William facing them, holding his nose with something white in hand, one side of his glasses cracked, and an eye twitching the night away. For the first time in her life, slight shock riddles Hilton's face. "M-, Mr. Spears... wh-what's up with you?" Hilton asks, her turn to now bite back a chuckle. Ronald however, grasps his mouth with wide eyes, while tapping his foot to the floor, nearly bursting into hysterical laughter. Really... this moment warranted hysterical laughter. William knew how he was looking, but right now, he was in too much pain to care.

"Mbrhlanbhrm, Timmy, grmbrha, paper, mbmrhmba, into nose, grrghbra, paper!" William angrily mutters, pointing to the rolled up paper on the table that appeared to have assaulted his nose earlier. There, Ronald just turns around, and zooms out of the room to avoid Hilton or William seeing him laughing one hell of a laugh. Hilton shakes her head before facing her boss, giving a respectful bow and regaining her soulless composure. "My apologies sir," she says in her normal manor, you could never tell she was about to laugh a second ago. "Allow me to escort you to the eye doctor", Will was going to need that, given that he's very, very blind without proper specs.

On their way to the Shinigami eye doctor (wait, a Shinigami... **eye doctor**? Eww...) William was still ranting on about having that paper smacking him in the face. "If I hadn't told Timmy a hundred, then I've told him a thousand times to NOT throw the paper to anyone, at anyone or on anyone or anything" he complains calmly. Ronald however, had just made it to his study where he laughed his hellish laugh, jumping around like a monkey, just really acting a damn fool and literally, rolling on the floor laughing at William's predicament. That was... until he rolled over wrong, landing his face harshly onto the floor.

Wlliam and Hilton were on their way to the eye doctor, passing by a pool hall, the coffee and donuts shop, and then everyone's studies (yup, the Shinigami Library is a whole world of its own). Of course, a door swings open, smacking William on his already injured nose, which makes him do an unexpected Indian rain dance before whirling around to see the asshole that smacked him in the face. He and Hilton sees it's Ronald... a very pissed off and shamefaced Ronald, holding his nose with some bloody white thing in hand, his glasses cracked and an eye twitching the day and night away. This puts a uncharacteristic grin on William's face. He couldn't help but ask, "Reaper Knox..." he starts calmly, but biting back a chuckle, "w-what's up with you?"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in a realm of bright clouds and rainbows, unicorns and fairies open the silver gates entering beautiful paradise. A little boy with a patch over his right eye was being carried by doves and fairies to a gorgeous meadow in the clouds of bright pink flowers and red Carson roses filling the landscape. There a bouncy merry sugar plum fairy Maylene and a valentine elf Finnian magically lifts Ciel to a sparkling gondola, being serviced by a suave grinning Bard. Boy is Ciel tripping today. The gondola was sailed down an enchanting river in the clouds, while valentine elf Finny and a fairy Maylene are floating along, tossing rose petals and sparkles about. They finally land before a large, starry cloud with Lau, Elizabeth, Soma, and Agni angels ooohing and ahhhing to a romantic Latin opera, performed by a Tanaka dressed in a white performer's tuxedo (yes, he's finally learned to say something other than "ho, ho, ho" -_-').<p>

There Ciel steps out the boat and onto the enchanted cloud, taking in the view of black and white roses piled around an ornate ottoman of rich vanilla velvet, with rays of Jesus light showing upon the man seated on the ottoman, Sebastian Michaelis. Ciel's eye widens wildly, a freaky grin showcasing on his face *rape face*. Sebastian is smiling seductively, dressed only in the fluffiest, coziest, whitest, decadentiest bath robe your dreams would dare you to even touch. In an instant Sebastian begins to pull his robe open, revealing his explicitly gorgeous body. Ciel takes no time to dash towards his beauty, but as he leaps, hoping to land in Sebastian's arms...

*really loud THUD!* "OUCH!" Ciel awakes on the cold hard floor beside the bed, fighting the sheets attacking him -_-' He indeed fell- leaped out of the bed in his sleep. With great disappointment, he looks to see Sebastian must have awaken and left, and sees the clock at nine forty something am. "Dear lord" he cries, "it's late again, Sebastian!"... No answer... "Sebastian?" Still nothing... Ciel believes Sebastian might be down stairs tending to his usual duties. Then came the thought of yesterday, and his misadventures trying to reach Undertaker. "That's it" Ciel says alertly, "Undertaker, I must meet Undertaker!" A very determined Ciel rushes to dress himself *bad idea* not even bothering to freshen up. "I shall see to it that he will NOT slip by me today!"

* * *

><p>2 hours later *yes, it took him <em>that <em>long to figure his own clothes out* Ciel makes it downstairs, only to be greeted by mayhem in the breakfast room.

"What are you doing in the kitchen, Maylene?" sounds off a usually pissed Bard, "Cooking is my job! Now go scrub the toilets likewise, house hoe!" *bitchslap!* "You stop disrespecting me!" goes a 'I'll kill your ass off' mode Maylene, who just smacked the cook off into next year. "I may not cook as well as Sebastian, but with him absent, I'm not in the mood to eat blackened briskets prepared by an asshole as full of shit as you!" "Ho, ho, ho" goes a sad Tanaka, doing his best to lift a 73lb basket of laundry, everyone assigned him to attend.

"What do you mean Sebastian's absent?" Ciel asks, shocking everyone as he walks into the kitchen, not well dressed -_-'. "He's not here my lord..." Maylene explains, "we're having to do everything" Finnian whines all covered in flour, apparently trying to make biscuits. Ciel pinches the bridge of his nose. He does NOT need this. "My morning meal better be done once I return... or else..." Ciel leaves without a word said. That scares the shit out of everyone (including me O.O)

* * *

><p>Ciel wonders around the mansion in search of his usually dutiful butler. While looking, it dawned on him how much Sebastian does. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes, he tutors him, he aids him in his profane shopping sprees, yes, this butler does quite a bit... all with a smile. He's just one hell of a butler.<p>

Ciel searches for Sebastian, looking in the study, the basement, the attic, his other study, the library, his dungeon *wait, huh? The kid's gotta dungeon?...* but no Sebastian... "This **cannot **be happening!" the earl grumbles, in tune with the growl of his stomach. Ciel simply can't visit Undertaker with out the aid of his trusty butler. When he finds himself in the hall of the bedrooms, Ciel hears a strange sound... it sounded like... a thing...

"Wh-who goes there?" the sound sounds off again, this time more audible... audibly scary. Ciel lifts his cane like its a riffle (and was expecting it to fire bullets XD), and follows the sound to... Sebastian's bedroom. The sound turns to an eerie gurgle. Ciel is so scared, his ancestors are quivering. Ciel tosses his cane away and lifts up an umbrella from out of nowhere, as if a better weapon, and then busts the door open...

"AH HA!" cries a scared but brave wittle earl, pointing his umbrella as if it were a riffle at his foe, but instead of seeing the monster under your bed, Ciel sees a hapless Sebastian, half dressed, and wheezing while laying on his side in bed. Ciel immediately changes his stance and goes to the aid of his butler. "Sebastian..." the earl starts with a brow furrowed with worry, but then sees vomit all over the waste basket beside the bed. He carefully avoids the mess, and steps close to where Sebastian was laying. "What's, what's wrong? Are you sick?" Ciel couldn't believe that a demon would get sick.

Sebastian opens his weak feverish eyes to meet Ciel's. With a forced smile, Sebastian lifts his head some, "morning... m-my m-ast... my master-" he stammers before collapsing back to against the pillow, his face falling to a slight wince. He wasn't even strong enough to lift his head. "Don't move" says Ciel and rests a hand on Sebastian's trembling shoulder. After noticing it, Sebastian was slightly trembling all over, almost like a chill. Ciel quickly puts the sheet over him, then strokes his shoulder soothingly while Sebastian moaned.

"MASTER PHANTOMHIVE!" cries Finnian's familiar frantic voice, shocking the hell out of Ciel, making him slip and- yep you got it, fall right down in the very vomit on the floor he tried so hard avoiding. That wasn't all, Sebastian was also shocked, throwing him into a gagging fit. He swiftly turns to the side and... "No, No Sebastian! DON'T-!"... too late...

"Master Phantomhive, I found Sebastian, and I think he's really sick!" Finnian cries outwardly in the hall again before running into Sebastian's room, and by the butler's side. "Master Phantomhi-... Master- Phantomhive?..." Finnian then sees his miserable master, sitting in a mess of vomit on the floor, with a mess of fresh vomit all over him from which Sebastian just puked. Ciel looks with his now twitching eye at his aloof-ass gardener. Finnian has reason to believe this is his fault somehow.

"Master, y-you have no idea how sorry I am..." Finnian speaks as though he's apologizing to God. He then runs to the doorway and shouts softer this time, "EVERYONE, I FOUND MASTER AND SEBASTIAN!", but still, the poor butler is startled, making him puke again... on Ciel. Finnian heard what just happened, and dared not to see Ciel, but looks anyway; the young earl looks to his gardener with his seriously twitching eye, and his lip now joining Club Facial Twitch. "M-Mas-s-ster... Y-You really, _really _have no idea just how sorry I-I am..."

* * *

><p>"Finny...what happened?" Maylene arrives with the others to see Sebastian in bed, Ciel gently caressing him, and Finnian beside Ciel with some bottled remedy and a used spoon. Finnian looked to have earned a freshly made, bruised and busted lip.<p>

"Something's wrong with him..." Ciel starts, showing some worry on his face. "He's pretty feverish and weak. And he's complained about aches in his back and head. We gave him that remedy, and of course it's not done him well..." Ciel explains, still with his eyes on the man in bed. "Oh Sebastian... why, why today must you be sick? We have to visit Undertaker, and... I, I can't go alone, I need your assistance..."

The butler was motionless, like dead. He finally shifts to Ciel's touch and looks up at the boy, pitifully. "Master..." Sebastian whispers, "I... my, a-apolo-...gies... I, I don't think..." Ciel just shakes his head, "Don't talk anymore. If it's possible you're well this afternoon, then you will need to rest and regain your energy... I just wonder what could do this to you?" Sebastian's eyes widen as he starts blushing. With what strength he had left, he pulls the sheet over his head, as if in shame. Ciel didn't bother asking, only wondered what to do about Undertaker...

* * *

><p>*bang, bang, bang!* "Order everyone, order!" sounds off our favorite Shinigami Manager of Dispatch-London Division, William T Spears... banging a gavel. There was a huge congregation of Shinigami in a conference auditorium, all summoned for an important issue. They NEVER meet like this, so whatever it is William has called everyone for, it must have been pretty urgent. Even the Head Administrator of the Shinigami Great Brittan Division was present. This guy is so awesome, he never even appeared in the manga or anime! Oh, now we know something's up! 8O<p>

"Attention please..." William says again, eying two Shinigami teens shooting gumballs at each other. In a split, they proper themselves, straighten their ties, fix spectacles, brush teeth, and fix their hands folded on their lap, fully attentive. "Now without further interruptions..." restarts our calm but very irritated Willy, "I have called this A16-32 Classified meeting, in behalf of recent murderous events concerning the Shinigami fatalities, victims of a series of slaughters from a source of which currently remains indeterminable..."

... *silence... then the crickets*... "Uh..." starts a Ronald, bewildered of what the hell Will just said, "I think William's _trying _to say that there's a Shinigami serial killer on the loose... _**AND WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!**_" Right there, William earns an auditorium size burst of screaming, hallucinating, running around hysterically, headbanging, one upholding a cookbook entitled 'To Serve Shinigami', pulling out their hair and doing what not.

"Order, order!" William yells again, bringing us instant silence, "We need to do something yes, but not that... now please, let there be not another obnoxious sound..." William says calmly, his fingers poised to pinch the bridge of his bandaged nose out of his furthered irritation, which he forgot was injured from earlier... an obnoxious "OOOOOUUUUCH!" was his next word, before regaining his stature, face reddened with hellish shame.

"I have devised a proposal to address this untimely matter. There are lists of souls that have been decided to be terminated, and haven't yet been attended to due to these recent Shinigami slaughters. Our numbers have decreased drastically within only a two day period, and I don't forecast improvement anytime soon. We must act with a new approach on the management of our affairs..."

"Yes, yes, agreed..." acquiesces his audience.

"There are three things that needs to be dealt with... 1, investigate the recent slaughters and discover the source. 2, rebuild our numbers, and lastly, change our mode of operation..."

"Yes, yes, agreed..." acquiesces his audience, same as before.

"Before you all, I propose that we elect Reapers Humphries, Slingby, and Hill over the investigation"

"Yes, yes, agreed..." acquiesces his audience, the same way... again -_-' Alan, Eric and Sam (Reaper Hill, guy with the mug) were not happy about this... their eyes grew as large as Uncle Phil's dinner plate.

"Before you all, I propose that from now until this murderer is brought to justice, every reaper sent to reap souls listed for termination shall be with no less than one partner"

"Yes, yes, agreed..." acquiesces his audience the same w-... okay, this is getting a little annoying.

"Before you all... I propose that we address our numbers, not with enlisting new recruits from the outside... Our restoration should wholly be internal, until this murderer is revealed..." Everyone is silent *a good change of reaction* listening deeply to what William is about to say. "I propose that we initiate as mandatory... The SBP Program..." *audience in blank stare mode... now them crickets again* "The Shinigami Breeding Program"...

Well with SBP being an acronym of that meaning, William receives such standing ovation, it makes winning a Nobel Prize something for the dogs. William then smirks... perversely, *uh oh... William has a rape face? O.O* he then finishes, "Though addressing sex is usually taboo to Shinigami, it would be more recommended to reproduce, than to recruit the possible killer..."

"Well accepted, Spears" starts Head Admin. Wallace, a master reaper you could only tell his age by the gray of his face length hair, since he aged very well, "you've made a most strong case for your proposal, and given that I haven't received a solution from a soul yet, not only do I approve, I would like to temporarily promote you to Chief Manager of the Shinigami London Division so you may properly oversee the restoration of order, and you may promote whomever you deem worthy as your temporary successor, Chief Spears"

William's eyes widens some, actually a lot, "Thank you sire, my thanks sir..." he _really _was at a loss of words. He didn't expect any of this, nor was he prepared. As everyone is leaving the conference auditorium, William ponders who should be his successor... then thinks about this whole breeding thing... That's when both answers come. He looks to Ronald, who stares back with an awkward smile and waves, then he looks to Hilton... a grin comes to his face... a seductive grin that is *its affirmative, rape face*.

Hilton is ready to leave, but feels a dark chill going down her spine. No, it's not her own aura freaking her out again, it's something else. A hand creepily rests on her shoulder. She looks to see William standing strangely close to her, with a small grin showcasing on his face.

"Congratulations on the promotion, Chief Spears" Hilton was sincerely happy for him... even if she was too stone-faced to show it. William just smiles, and instead of replying to her, he lowers his lips to her ear, "I must also congratulate you on your promotion... your promotion to Administrator of the Breeding Program", "My thanks sir" Hilton never misses a beat in professional response... that is until...

"Harriet..." William whispers, voice all suave, sexy... lusting. He never calls anyone by their first name, and something in her didn't like where this was going. "We need to arrange the breeders, I only want the strongest genes reproduced. I want nothing less than a generation of legendary material here" Before Hilton could rebut...

"Reaper Knox..." William calls, Ronald stumbles his way to William's call... while complaining about Alan elbowing his already sore nose. "My second act of Chief Manager is to promote you as new Manager of Dispatch-", "Whoa thanks boss!" Ronald says excitedly with a thumbs up, "-the welcome is yours but don't interrupt, and wipe that silly grin off your face" William continues calm but bitter as usual, "bring me those SBP recruits I requested before the arrangement of this conference..." "y-you mean, right, _now_?" William immediately detects Knox probably didn't do as he asked. "Yes, _now_... Manager of Dispatch Knox..." Ronald, who goofed off like a kid with their math homework, gulps and quickly dives into the reception records for this major meeting, literally swimming through the sea of papers, snatching up random sign-ins from various attendants.

Ronald comes back, all wet as if swimming for real, and hands Will the sign-in sheets. "These are sign ins for today's conference..." Will notes, "yes true, but they're also SBP recruiting sheets" says an 'I'm trying to get over on my boss' Ronald, "I know the difference of how their set up". William didn't bother with anymore questions and just briefed himself with what he had... and, it wasn't... well, you'll find out...

William immediately sees his sign in sheet here as a breeding recruit and eyes Knox venomously. Then even worse, found a sign in for the name 'Eugene Fehr'. "Eugene Fehr? You recruited **Eugene Fehr**?" William hisses irritably towards Ronald. "Those are genes of a legend..." Knox innocently replies "both yourself and Mr. Fehr". Something about Knox's comment turns William on with an idea... an awful idea. William just out of the bleu got a wonderfully, dreadfully, awful idea *Grinch rape face*

Hilton is quite taken back by the expression on William's face, making him shake himself back into looking human, erm, Shinigami again XD However, his subtle seductive grin is still present. "Harriet..." Will says once more suavely, really starting to freak the hell out of the lady, "I want you to, meet me in my study... tonight at ten". William then walks away before she could even say anything. It's after he leaves, Hilton swallows a couple Aspirins before calmly replying, "yes, sir"...

* * *

><p>"Oh Willy deeeear!" rings an unexpectedly merry tune, William turns to see the redheaded nightmare, just destined to ruin his Shinigami Breeding Program... Grell Sutcliff. "The arranging of breeders is sooo abhorrent in the face of true love, mi'dear!" Grell scoops up Will's hand into his own passionately, while batting his eyes faster than a humming bird heart rate in cardiac arrest. Will's pruners are quickly poised to Grell's throat, "Don't even try it, Reaper Sutcliff" William starts harshly, "if you dare to wish enlisting the breeding program, you WILL be paired with whom I choose... and a female at that!"<p>

"Why the nerve!" Grell scuffs, "I wouldn't dare even touch a bitch for breedi-" *WHACK!* yep, William whacks Grell upside his head before he could even start. William walks away leaving Grell alone. "Don't worry you'll warm up sooner than you think!" Grell shouts out sweetly, blood trickling down from atop his head.

"Tough luck... eh Sutcliff..." Says a deep ragged English voice. It scares the shit out of Grell as he jumps and turns to see a tall, tall reaper, wearing a very aged Shinigami uniform, composed of black pants, a vest and bow tie, with a trailing trench coat. He only looked only to be a little older than William but his clothes looked to have seen better days. His un-kept red hair was excessively long, he was wearing a pair of glasses with an old chain, and his jagged teeth... tsk tsk tsk, looked like they've never even heard of a toothbrush.

"Ahhhh!" it doesn't take much to scare Grell at this point, "wh-what d-d-do you w-want with m-me?" "How come you don't know me? I'm Reaper Cecil Rhodeson" the stranger replies, "never heard of you!" Grell shuts his eyes away from the super creepy man, that was grinning as if he'd bite a plug out the poor child, "Don't shut your beautiful eyes from me..." "M-my what?..." Grell looks back slowly, wondering what Cecil meant, "your eyes my child, they're... so beautiful... like, the rest of you!" Cecil's grin broadens as he grasps Grell by the arm. "Ouch, what are you doing, y-you're crushing my arm!" Grell's kinda skinny okay, and this guy is big... really big.

"Don't resist me little one, I'm not remembered by any here. Just another **old **guy, nothing I've ever done won respect, my love was never respected. That son of a bitch Fehr stole my glory!" Cecil says looking off a moment, but then returns his look to Grell. "But I'm close to getting it back..." Grell's breaths become short and panicky, "Today is the day I'll start recovering all that I've been _deprived _of, and you're just the playtoy for the job" Rhodeson ends off with a cruel grin. Grell KNEW, something bad was in store for him.

"WILLIAM!" Grell cries for his life as Cecil effortlessly shoves him through the doors of a secluded room. "WILLIAM, SAVE ME! SOMEONE HELP! AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"...

* * *

><p>Ciel didn't realize he fell asleep by Sebastian's bed, until familiar hands shook him awake. "AHHHH! THE BOOGER MAN! GO AWAY- GET OFF, GET IT OFF!-" "CIEL IT'S ME!" Ciel violently awakes to see an unfamiliar face... his OWN butler's face. "Oh, dear god" starts the child relieved, "your hands, I thought you were the alleged Booger Man for moment..." Sebastian just smiled, "reading too much fiction before sleep again, eh?", Ciel then takes note that his butler was all spiffy, dressed and seemingly well and up beat.<p>

"Sebastian?" Ciel starts, "you, you were sick a while ago, vomiting, fever and what not" "That was hours ago, master. I'm well now though..." Sebastian answers, not giving reason as to why he was sick. Ciel doesn't bother in asking further, although he needs to... for his own good :3

"Whatever, you're well, that's what matters. Now let's leave and pay Undertaker a visit, we must hurry before we miss him again" Ciel says, only for Sebastian to shake his head. "No master, you must be tidied first" he says pointing at the smelly mess of vomit soaking his master's dressings. Ciel grumbles at his butler, "I don't care how I'm looking, I order you to take me to Undertaker!" Sebastian bows, "as you wish master. The journey there will be lengthened if you cease to cooperate..." "enough with the riddles, let's just go!" Ciel cries as Sebastian lifts him and carries him into... the bathroom.

"Sebastian? What's the meaning of this? Take me to Undertaker! That's an order" hollers the young earl, his butler answering with a most devious grin, "as you wish my master. Our journey there however, begins here. The more you complain, the longer the journey shall be". Ciel looks to see a bath had already been prepared. The last thing we here is "SEBAAASSTIAAAN!"

* * *

><p>We now find ourselves at nowhere other than... a shop. A dark shop. A dark, <em>creepy <em>shop. We soon here merry mumbling, the opening and closing vaults kept in a disastrous den at the back of his shop. "Ihihihi, well, well, who do we have here?" He looks down into one vault name labelled 'Ebenezer Stooge'. An old, dried up, flaking, mean looking corpse with a flaking bold top head, sparse stiff hairs of white at the sides, wearing a pair of old spectacles, and large dark spots of rot on the ashy pale skin of the cantankerously faced dead man. A finger sinks into the withered dead cheek *or what's left of it* the skin remaining sunken from rot and decay.

"Ihihi, haha!" laughs our favorite, lovable, fashionably drooling mortician, the Undertaker. "Oh I love it when I get one like him... oh whatta' bad boy you were. Such a cruel governor to his people, now stuck here with me without friend to morn or care for him in the world!" he bursts into his crazed laughter, dropping bits of drool all over corpse of ex-Governor Stooge... and then takes his glasses. "Hihi, I could use a pair like these" he says looking through them and seeing the clock, "Oh dear" Undertaker whispers to himself, "I'm supposed to find Madam Anson's body! Her family is arriving soon, and I've lost her again".

Undertaker runs about his messy den full of unorganized coffins, scratching his head and trying to figure any of them out... while grinning up a storm. To him, losing people's dead bodies and then going crazy looking for them at the nick of time, is a game *~* Suddenly, someone enters his shop, causing him to creep out to see... no one immediately there... He steps out of the shadows and looks around to see who could have entered, and...

"Ahh!" Undertaker turns to see a tall dark man behind him... none other than, William T Spears. "My lord you gave me quite the scare... hehe, the best thrill I've had all day" Undertaker chuckles merrily, but creepily, William takes a very respective bow... "Undertaker, I must speak with you for a moment... this is urgent"

* * *

><p>After an hour, Ciel and Sebastian makes it to the breakfast room. "Sebastian please" whines the once dignified earl, who's now beginning to behave like a brat, his hungry belly starting its T-Rex orchestra again, "I let you off with the bath, but now, lets go to Undertaker's!" His butler smiles before replying, "after your <strong>late <strong>morning meal". Ciel is hurled into his seat, Sebastian then reaches from behind himself pulling out a roll of duct tape, and straps his master down to his seat.

"What is the meaning of this infernal material? What is this infernal material?" Ciel protests as his butler explains, "I don't even know myself, but I do know once your meal is done, we'll leave at once, master". Sebastian feels something strange tighten in his gut, but struggles to ignore it. Ciel sighs in staring at the meal that took almost four hours for Maylene and Finnian to prepare. It was a ton of food, nothing you could scarf up in five minutes that's for sure (unless you're Uncle Phil). But that wasn't going to stop Ciel. This earl turns savage on his breakfast, greedily and speedily stuffing his face at an inhumanly fast pace.

"Oh lord!" Sebastian cries, even the demon had to call upon the lord for this one =O "Master, please take it easy, before you bother me with indigestion later on! It's only noon, Undertaker will surely be there" Ciel turns and growls while baring his teeth like a wild hellbeast at his butler, before finishing off his breakfast...

* * *

><p>56.798 seconds later, Ciel's face was about to explode, his cheeks were so red and huge from him stuffing at least three pounds of food into his mouth under a minute. With one final, strenuous push, Ciel stuffs the last bit of sausage into his mouth, his cheeks were so big devouring his face, Ciel looked like a big red ass, wearing a blue suit...<p>

Just then, Lau walks into the breakfast room with something to tell Ciel. "Ni hao Master Phantomhive, I came here to inform you that some guests and I will need a place to stay since GOD DA-YUMMN!" He cries when seeing Ciel's as- erm, face. "Who's got their flushed ass bent upward in Ciel's chair?"

* * *

><p>Lau was now staring in a mirror at the throbbing, cartoonishly large lump Ciel had planted atop his head with great precision, for calling him an ass. A flushed one at that. Ciel on the other hand was leaning heavily against his chair with a white scarf tied around is head, and knotted at the top resembling bunny ears. Packed in the scarf and around his super sore, reddened cheeks were blocky cubes of ice, making him look as though he stuffed Lego StarWars sets in his cheeks.<p>

"My young master," starts a Sebastian, struggling to keep a straight face, "it is my duty to inform you that, I warned against you stuffing your face, and now..." Ciel was in too much pain and warn out to protest. "Seeeeebaaaasstiaaaaan..." Ciel spoke monotonously and slurry since his cheeks and jaws were aching beyond this Earth, "let... jus-... go... that Undack-tackerrr..." "Of course my master," Sebastian replies with a straight face, however, the minute he makes a 180 turn from his master, Sebastian's face contorts to the harshest, squinty eyed grin you couldn't even think off, lightly giggling at the situation in hand... *who wouldn't?*

* * *

><p>"So let me get this straight..." starts an uncharacteristically straight faced Undertaker in 'I don't believe this shit' mode, "You're telling me that YOU, William T Spears, you initiated this "Shinigami Breeding Program" and you got<strong> Ronald Knox <strong>of all people to enlist several for this breeding or what not... and MY name was enlisted?..." "Correct" Will made his answer short...

People outside Undertaker's shop then heard a hellish, "KIIYAHAHAHAHAHA!" A laugh so profanely loud, it quaked the entire block, and busted some windows down the street. Undertaker had fallen out of his seat first off, laughing wildly like there was no tomorrow. He finally finishes his usual nonsense, and sits up to look at the man who didn't even flinch at the obnoxious laugh, "Hehehe... it's hard to think you wouldn't have a good sense of humor" "I don't" William rebuts in his 'creepily calm' mode, "and this is not a joke..."

Again, Undertaker's whole block quakes with a repeat of his first big time laugh. This man could laugh at anything, almost... But when he looked up at William's stone 'don't play me' face, he realized he meant business. "But, b-but, you can't be **serious**" Undertaker starts as William gets to his feet, and he follows the same, "First off, I'm retired, so you CAN'T call me for duty. Besides, a man MY age? Breeding? Ha, I'm so old, my "breeding" functions must have shutdown long before your _mother _was even born..." "We have ways of addressing that" William was not about to back down, "we need to rebuild our numbers since the slaughters, and we must have the best genes breeding at this time". Undertaker just stares blankly with a bit of curiosity as the younger reaper finishes, "besides, retired or active, there's no option to decline once enlisted..." William's grip tightens on his scythe's handle on that last word.

Undertaker didn't like the sound of this, "oh, is that so?" he asks with a sly smile, his sleeves meet concealing a hand in search of his pocket dagger. William smiles back slyly, "precisely, Mr. Fehr"

In a flash... *SHWING! ZIP! THUD!* "AHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHH, OOOOHMYYY... PLEEEAS-AHHHH!-" goes a hoarse, strangled cry for help. After that record speed attack, green dual colored irises stare at the pool of gushing blood now on the floor. The pruner scythe was then readjusted, thickly tainted with blood now. The scythe's bloody blade is also used to readjust William's spectacles as he stares at the shrieking, bleeding wreak on the floor that has become Undertaker. William smoothly walks over to face Undertaker, the elderly man was crying and starts coughing up a worrying amount of blood, making all the Undertaker fans reading this wince in his pain D'X

William kneels before the old man and carefully brushes long strains of silver out off the elder Shinigami's face. Undertaker looks up into Will's cold-hearted eyes, for the first time, fear riddling his features. "P-Please..." Undertaker stammers, struggling to speak as blood steadily trails from his mouth, "d-don't... *gasp* w-wh, what have I done? Pl-please I-I..." the retired Shinigami just gasps weakly as William gently rolls him from his side onto his back. William studies the wound he caused. In seeing the deep injury cutting across Undertaker's upper abdomen, Will frowns. He gently lifts Undertaker into his arms, "Shhh, relax... you'll be okay" he coos him, while taking his victim to rest on the nearest coffin.

As Undertaker was laid on his back, William gently strokes his face, while his other hand reached into his pocket. "It's going to be okay Undertaker, just relax". Right there, he pulls out a scalpel... a surgical scalpel. Undertaker's lime green Pacman eyes grow wide and teary. The guy starts crying out from fear. "N-n-no p-p... p-pleas-ah! D-don't, d-d-" "Shh, don't worry you'll be fine..." William assures once more before... striking his scalpel into the older man's lower abdomen. Undertaker is surely screaming right now, blood thick in his throat as William slowly drags the blade deep across Undertaker's lower abdomen. The poor guy was screaming, lamenting, coughing up blood profusely, and rendered completely hapless, while William continued until the new wound was completed.

Undertaker's heart was pounding out of control, as if going into cardiac arrest, and the look on his face was like... 'well, so long world!' William had to work quickly. He takes out a sleek black disk about an inch long out of his pocket and jabs the device into Undertaker's new wound. A shocking blast of cold fills the wound wholly. From the same pocket, William gets out a bandage long enough to hold the disk inside Undertaker *damn, it's like William had planned this, huh?* The last thing William did to our poor old mortician, is take out a syringe and inject the solution into his neck. Eugene Fehr was unconscious instantly. Just then a carriage arrives at the door. William cursed something so bad, even I couldn't write it, then discards the blade and needle, and swiftly takes the unconscious Undertaker into his arms. He uses his scythe to open his getaway portal... just in time to avoid getting caught by company...

* * *

><p>"We are here, finally" Sebastian says in stopping his master's carriage. It took them a while to get there since Sebastian had to ride slow and smoothly without jerking Ciel's 'sorehead' XD, but they made it. Sebastian helps Lau out but just as he's helping Ciel, "Master, I must inform you that, I'm, I believe I'm with a condition that might... uh, inconvenience my services for a while..." Ciel eyes his butler coldly, AND unamused. All he wanted was to see Undertaker, WITH no more hold ups... like this one. Sebastian's grin then turns quite coy and his cheeks begin blushing. "I don't think you understand but, I, I have some news, and..." "Let, see, Undak'tacker" speaks the robotic voice of a 'my cheeks hurts too much for me to talk with intelligence' Earl Phantomhive.<p>

They open the door to Undertaker's aaand... "Undak-tacker, I ne... ne... ne..." Ciel looses his ability to even speak poor English as he comes in to see pools of blood on the floors. Ciel is dreadfully horrified, but every time he tried making a face, his cheeks starts hurting, so we see him being the only one straight faced.

Sebastian and Lau were the other two to tag along, and both drop their jaws in utter disgust. "Look! There!" Lau points to a coffin covered in blood as well. As the group approaches the scene, they find a bloody scalpel, a used syringe, and... the Undertaker's top hat. "NO!" Ciel cries, rushing to the scene, "Undertaker's hat... wh-what's this? A needle?" Sebastian shakes his head, "I'm so sorry young master, it seems someone came in and-" "NO! Don't say it!" Ciel interrupts, his eye all teary. Sebastian sighs some before lightly wrapping his arms around Ciel.

"I understand your pain, sire" starts squinty in his 'wannabe Confucius' mode, "Undertaker, he was a great man, a man of courage, dignity, a man of great wisdom, one truly for the people... he was a grandfather to us all..." Sebastian looks up at knot-head Lau on that note with a raised brow as if to say, 'Seriously Lau, DIGNITY? Undertaker?... gimme a break... give us all a break', "Thou will be greatly missed..." Lau says, finally finishing off the same ol' bullshit speech said about EVERYONE that dies. Ciel pays no attention to Lau, and was examining the syringe and scalpel found.

*BAM!* The front door busts open, and as the gang looks back... "There! They must be the murderers! And they've done away with his body!" cries a strangely familiar voice as the place is stormed by dozens of cops. Lau throws his hands up with a, "please don't shoot! I'm innocent I tell ya!", Sebastian just calmly raises his hands, ready to follow orders, while Ciel on the other hand, just glares with his usual unimpressed eye, 'oh shit' he mentally says.

"Sir," Ciel starts, completely un-phased as usual, "we just arrive to find-" "HIM! HE DID IT! I know he must have killed my cousin, 'cause he assaulted me yesterday!" cries the familiar voice again... and it had to be, that **Over**taker. "YOU? What are you doing here?" Ciel cries in seeing the Methuselah he, *clears throat* Finnian mistaken Undertaker for. "You are the culprit! Arrest him now!" Overtaker cries out, "assaulting me is one thing, but murdering my cousin? What have I ever done to you to deserve this? Now I'm without someone to hear all my dirty secrets..."

'Dirty secrets? Cousin?' Ciel starts to think, 'could it be HE'S Undertaker's source of information? And I HAD to crotch kicked this guy yesterday?... But that's okay, I can easily get on his good side' Ciel thinks deviously while evilly giggling and rubbing his hands together like a stereotypical villain. However, that action of OOCness is interrupted as Ciel is seized and handcuffed by the police. "Wait!" he shouts, "I, I can't, I can't get arrested, I'm the Earl of Phantomhive! Release me at once!" "Oh of course you're the Earl, and my aunt is the Queen, he-he-he" chuckles the dumbass, disbelieving cop, carrying our favorite 13yr old away. "NO! I CAN'T GO TO JAIL! J-Just call the Phantomhive Manor and they'll tell you who I am... No, NOOOOOO!"

The paddy wagon *really, it was a dirty old wagon* was on its way to London's Midtown Jailhouse. Lau was in the back, twiddling his thumbs praying to his ancestors that HIS dirty little secret wouldn't be discovered by the police as they investigate Phantomhive. Sebastian was sitting near, beginning to rock in his spot, moaning and grasping his stomach. Despite the nausea felt, there was a strangely sweet smile on the butler's face as he looks to his bellowing belly. Ciel however, was looking like a skinny little Donkey Kong, yanking on the iron barred window, only without fur.

To try to get his mind off his woes, Lau looks to try a conversation with Sebastian. Buuut, Sebastian looked to be too happy with the pain and nausea in his stomach to talk... sensibly. So that left Lau with, yeeeah, the monkey yanking on the window. "Master Phantomhive, don't worry about this... Once we arrive we can dial the Phantomhive Mansion, and hopefully Prince Soma would have arrived and will bail us out...", Ciel finally releases the window and faces Lau, "Naw I don't think tha- wait a minute... What do you mean Prince Soma is arriving at MY manor?" Ciel questions hysterically.

"Oh I forgot to tell you, Prince Soma and myself were going to do business in London, and needed to *gulp* stay at the Phantomhive Manor..."

"MY MANOR?"

"... for only a few weeks..."

"A FEW **WEEKS**?"

"... S-Starting tonight? *hides face*"

"TOOOONIGHT?"

Sebastian is shaken out of his stupor and stares at his master's face, a grimace of such shock, surprise and angst, that couldn't match better with the white scarf wrapped around his face and tied like bunny ears atop his head. "My master, wasn't your face aching much earlier? It's just you've been talking so since, and..." Just as Sebastian says that, Ciel immediately remembers his face aching from stuffing 3 1/2lbs of English breakfast into his cheeks under a minute flat, and as pain rose from all that talking and face making since arriving at Undertaker's, the last sound we get to hear as the paddy wagon strolls its way to the London Jail, is a 13yr old "OOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUCCCHHH!" and not another sound afterwards XD

* * *

><p>Thaaaat's it folks ^_^ Gee Undertaker had a rough day huh? And what's up with Sebastian? Why is he so sick, and even creepier, seems happy about his "condition"? And that creepy Shinigami Cecil Rhodeson, kinda strange ain't he? And what's he doing with Grell? Will Grell be okay? Will William regret ignoring Grell now? :

Tell me what ya think, what I could improve, was it funny, tell it all!

Oh, and pleeease visit my the Odd Couple 2 vote on my profile and vote (only one vote so far).

~GNXmike


	4. Baby Daddy

The Odd Couple - a Kuroshitsuji fanfic

A/N: Yeh-yeah! The next chapter is here!

This chapter is more about getting in depth of the story, and what the hell is happening in the first place XD It's a little longer than the other chapters, and the next chapter won't be this long 0.o

And now a shout to my supporters:

**bladion13**

**OtakuMomokoHime**

**Earl Yumi Trancy**

**Lizzy139**

**diamondkat**

**Trinity Phantomhive**

**Night Elric**

**blacklily25**

And a special shout to critics and my tutor:

**Dobe Fox** for your critiques :D

**Dani-of-the-Dark**, my English tutor :3 thanks for the assistance, lord KNOWS I need it -_-'

This chapter is a little more involved, and where other weird things begins...

Into the reading we go!

* * *

><p>Chapter IV: Baby Daddy...<p>

_Well, how is the patient?_

_Ah sooo wonderful... my favorite cookies!_

_Successful... we may need one more sample of the toe nails though..._

_*groans* isn't there a potty somewhere?... Maybe I can use your hat instead?_

_Yes, do whatever is necessary..._

_Chopped liver and onions? In the victim's hair?_

_*sigh* will you please stop leaving your nostrils on the dinning table?_

_Asparagus..._

_Huh?..._

_?..._

_Could someone pass the salt?..._

_No, no, no... I said I needed mustard on my penis, not my wiener..._

Yes my friend, these were the twisted thoughts that permeated the current drugged up mind, along with an underworld grade of darkness, severe abdominal pain, and a world class series of professional farts. Soon though, the mind becomes conscious, conscious enough to open dual green irises from the depths of darkness into harsh, blinding nuclear fission light, making a face wince so hard, we hope our minds will never even imagine it. These eyes are already very weak, but now... -_-' However, though the eyes are blurred, they can see... what looks like Pillsbury Dough Boys in spaceman wear, and one stereotypical corporate CEO, the size of toothpicks *weight wise of course...*. The corporate toothpicks were yelling at a medical dough boy, just in time for them to realize those waking eyes... have awaken!

"Oh no!" cries the CEO of the toothpick industries, "he's awake, he can't see me can he?" "Relax," assures a medical dough boy, thaaaat, kinda sounds like a woman now thinking about it, "it's okay sir, I-I mean ma'am, I'm mean- whatever... Dr. Jekyll, your patient is waking again, hand me the anesthetic..."

The green eyes shoot waaaaay open, though still was hangin' up in the clouds somewhere. "Wh-where, where am I?" the poor wittle green eyes cry in fear. "Just relax dear, you'll awake soon from this, uuuh... you're just having another nightmare" says the dough boy, girl, whatever the hell it's supposed to be, to the patient... Right there, a mallet is seen... a large mallet... Before there could be any protests *KAPOW!* the next thing the green eyes see, is darkness. But this time, it was graffitied with billions and billions, and even one more billions of stars... The CEO of toothpicks adjusts his glasses in an annoyed fashion, "I thought the Aurora Society had better technologies than using mallet anesthetics", Dr. Jekyll just shakes his head, "oh you mean anesthetics through syringes? Puh-leeeze, that technique won't be invented until at least the next 70 years from this date"... *facepalm moment*

* * *

><p>"AGHWAHHH... AIK-LRYARGH... ITH... RWLVAPAPAPAGGGLH!..." goes such an ugly sound... a sound so ugly, it wakes Lau in a fright, causing him to shoot out of his roll out bed, onto a wall and bouncing off another one then another until *KLING!* his head ran straight for the jail bars... stuck <em>between<em> the jail bars. The ugly sound gurgled ugily again, sounding sooo ugly, even our void of soul Earl of Phantomhive awakes with emotion on his face... a WTF emotion that is...

Ciel gets up with a murderous growl for having to sleep in a jail cell, on a cold, single sheet, prison issued sleeping cot. He gets up to investigate where the hell that irritatingly ugly sound was coming from, not noticing Lau was yelling about his head being stuck between jail bars. It didn't take but one look for Ciel to find the noise was coming from... yeeeah, Sebastian. His butler seemed to be in grave pain. He was kneeling before a busted up toilet, that hadn't been cleaned since the 14th century, vomiting what looked like past meals that should have been loooong gone now.

"Se-Sebastian?" Ciel runs up to ailing butler with worry... that was, until the strooong odor of demon vomit whips around our 13yr old earl's nose. "Goddammit Sebastian! What the bloody hell have you been eating?" *wheeeeeeze* starts a very weary demon butler. He was sooo sick, he looked like a third grader could kick his ass right now. "M-my lord..." Sebastian's voice was shuddering and wheezy. "Sebastian, what's wrong? You're sick again, vomiting and... you have a fever too..." Ciel says while feeling Sebastian's forehead and trying to hold his nose at the same time. Ciel sighs roughly, and decides to help Sebastian back to his cot.

Lau, on the other hand... or head in his case, was struggling with his own issues. A guard then comes walking down their cell isle, whistling a horrific tune he knew very well was an annoyance to the prisoners. But for Lau, this man was an angel sent from heaven. "Uh, pardon me most honorable jail guard, here to keep us prisoners in line..." starts a Lau in "kiss butt" mode, "a thousand pardons but, can you help get my head out of these bars, they are the only uncomfortable thing about our cell" The jail guard thinks about it; how funny to keep returning to a head stuck in the jail bars, a nice target for practice with his nightstick... buuuut, such behavior miiiiight get him in a little bit of trouble, sooo...

"No problem, mate!" the guard chuckles deviously, as he raises his foot to the level of Lau's head. "Oh many, many thanks honorable jail guard, I- *gasp!* Wait, wait...!" The next thing Lau has coming for him is a giant foot thrusting at light speed atop his head, kicking him all the way to the other side of the jail cell. "AHMAHAMAHAMMMMMAHGH!" "You're welcome, matey! *evil chuckle*" The guard leaves feeling very satisfied with his handiwork on the prisoner. Lau however, was grumbling some very strong ancient Chinese profanity over having being kicked in the head all the way to the other side of the room, just to have his head stuck in the window bars.

Ciel, still ignoring the plights of the magnetic attraction between Lau's head and jail bars, was beside his sick butler in bed. His mind was on what could have made Sebastian so sick recently, having trouble with nausea, fever, head and back aches, some other symptoms he or I can't remember at this particular moment...

* * *

><p>"THAT WAS THE GREATEST PARTY EVER!" shouts an extremely satisfied, self indulged Prince Soma. It appeared that the bratty royal of India arrived at the Phantomhive manor, just as our bratty English Earl of Phantomhive protested. Soma had made himself at home a bit too... okay, he down right invaded the Phantomhive Manor, "enslaved" the Phantomhive servants, let in every girl on the block, and made it a subsidiary kingdom of his own.<p>

"What's the cum fuckin' deal with this bastard?" goes a our favorite potty mouth, bad excuse of a chef, Bardroy. Maylene tries shutting his big mouth "SHHHH! You want him to hear you?" "YOU GODDAMN RIGHT I WANT HIM TO HERE ME, HOUSE BITCH-!" Before Bard could finish insulting everyone's ears with his sailor mouth, Maylene punched the day light **and** night light out of him, all with her strength of a US Marine. "What did I tell you about that language of yours? And you misspelled 'hear' too!... idiot"

"Where's my curry?" the Indian brat- *clears throat* uh, I meant prince yells, "That 2 bit cook knows nothing about the science of preparing curry in goat or chicken... slave!" "Yes Prince Soma Asman Kadar!" shouts the attentive happy slave Agni, "tell that American son of a bitch, poor excuse of a lowly cook if I don't have my curry this 14th time, it's OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" "Yes Prince Soma!" Agni then scurries off to the man who got his ass bitch-slapped into clouds.

"Well, I didn't tell you to stop dancing for me... continue!" Soma shouts at the scrawny blonde gardener and the stumpy old Al Sharpto- I mean Japanese butler of Phantomhive. Finnian and Tanaka were dressed in some kind of ridiculous Bollywood style slut clothes, trying to perform a belly dance for the self indulged Aladdin's look-a-like... They were doing an awful job as you could guess.

* * *

><p>"So Ms. Hilton... like, how was your date with *fangirl sigh*, Chief Spears? We're all <strong>dying<strong> to know what happened!..." Hilton glares the teenybopper reaper in question, who was batting the phony eyelashes making her eyes resemble black widow spiders. She was grinning, giggling, and what not as Hilton was filing some newly assorted assignments. The girl was of very young age, she had brunette short curled hair with a pair of ladybug bows pinning either side of her hair back near her ears. Along with usual female reaper uniform, she also wore ladybug stud earrings, ladybug bracelets, ladybug necklace, ladybug rings, and... a ladybug bellybutton piercing. She even wore shoes with her toes out to display her ladybug toe rings (yes, more than on one toe -_-').

The room was full of lady reapers... *clears throat* the room was full of 'bishie of the week' fangirl reapers, whom which Hilton lives to _venomously_ detest on a regular basis. She was one way too sophisticated for conversing or arguing about who's the hot bishie of the week. And this week, had to be William T Spears week. "There is nothing to discuss Reaper Fulton. We were discussing the SBP program, and that's all..." "Are you like, gonna totally breed with him?" asks the annoying young adult, causing all the other women an epic-nosebleed at just the mere thought. "Oh absolutely that devil man better not touch my fair diva!..."

Everyone turns to see... a blue torpedo flying at light speed towards Hilton with... a drooling smile?... Unlike you poor readers not knowing what the hell is going on in this sentence, the lady reapers knew all too well what that was. They ran out the way as if a bomb was detonated, while Hilton watches with a steady eye, and moves in time for the torpedo to crash into the wall, creating a nuclear devastation of assignments flying about. Hilton looks down at the bombshell, that is in fact... a reaper... a _female_ reaper...

"It's no wonder our squadron is given so much overtime and so little respect... Reaper Olson" hisses Hilton calmly but in severe annoyance. "Harry baby!" The woman in blue jumps to her knees with a bright... erm, wide, crazed grin, decorated with a few broken teeth, swollen cheek, and a busted nose. She was a blond lady who kept her hair short like a man with a part on one side, and had a few long strands to frame her face. She only wore a blue men's uniform, neck tie, dress shoes and pants, NEVER daring to even look at make up, or jewelry... except for the men's watch she did wear. She even had her shirt open to show off the phony hair she glued on her cleavage *gross*... (yeah, yeah you get it, another crazed, masochistic gay reaper... what's with Shinigamis and doofus transvestites in love with their soulless death god bosses?)

Hilton adjusts her specs as she summons a book, "Attention Reaper Greta Olson, you have once again managed to breach the following rules of conduct:  
>Today marks the 4th time you missed reporting for duty, this week.<p>

Trespassing unauthorized and restricted offices and levels of the Library.

There are 3 reports of you taking bribes of souls not scheduled for death.

You have been involved with several assassinations this past week.

And you have been sighted for enlisting the SBP program using false personal information. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera...

"Oh my foxy Harry babe you," Greta starts, 'Harry' referring to Hilton's first name 'Harriet' -_-||, "I do what I do out of love for my-UGHSONROGF!" Hilton at rapid speed shoves the point of her clippers into Greta's nose, the impact sending 14,582 of her funky and phony chest hairs into our faces. Harriet glares harsh enough to scare Hulk Hogan shitless "You are currently on probation as of now, and if I receive another report of violation, you will be suspended... again..." Hilton then snatches her clippers away, praying this would be the day she'd rip her nostril off.

"OOOOOOOH My dear Harry!" starts the masochistic fanatic whom we learned is Greta, "men like me find coldblooded girls so DAYUMN sexy... Why would you ladies seek that cheap knock of a man Spears, when you can have ME! *dizzy, toothless grin*", "Did someone call my name?..." starts a quite perturbed voice, entering an office filled with... William T Spears fangirls.

"!" goes ear drum bursting squeals in unison. The girls faint in the presence of this week's Death God of Hot Smex... in other words, what Greta dreams of being. Hilton looks up at William, blushing some. She didn't want him to think she lead a squadron of psychopathic bishie enthusiasts. In secret, Hilton had always admired William and wanted to impress him with her since of devotion to duty.

William keeps his straight face, as the girls sit up from fatally explosive nosebleeds. "Morning reapers," he says deliberately suavely (for Hilton's sake), "!" goes the squeals loud enough to deafen a protozoan, sending the girls into round two of life-threatening nosebleeds (I mean Will is an nice looking guy but he's nothin' too special to me... that could be because I'm a guy, so...) Greta jumps to her feet, ready to flare up at the chief death god, only to run her face into his extended pruner scythe, punching her own mother-wits out. "K-K-Keep... your... h-hands... off-ff-ff-mi... off my g-girl..." Says a very jealous man-wannabe, before falling to the floor.

"I deeply apologize for the complications caused by **_this_**" Hilton says to William with a small bow, **_this_ **meaning Greta, "I understand very well, we share similar issues I see. Now for more important business" William starts, "Reaper Hilton, our meeting last night was shortened due to some unforeseen events last night. I'd like to reschedule for tonight... at 10pm..." Hiliton was blushing more, but remained her calm. "Allow me to help with this..." William collects Hilton's paper from the floor and hands it back, like a polite gentlemen. Hilton's heart skipped a few beats, and takes her work back with a nod. William leaves finally, followed by another round of ear bursting fangirl screams from the lady reapers.

"Did you see how he said 'Allow me to help with this'?" "NO! it's how soft his eyes were looking at Ms. Hilton!" "Naw girls, it was him whipping out his sexy scythe on Olson!" "I don't care what it was, EVERY part of that man is sooooooooo sexy!"

Hilton quickly leaves the mad house, slamming the door shut. After a deep breath, she began walking to her next destination, back to her straight and cold faced manor.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in the London county, state, province, or whatever-the-fuck-they-have-or-had-then, jail...<p>

Ciel was pacing the floors with red hangover eyes... well, eye, while Lau was playing a game of yank-your-head-out-of-the-window-bars-without-snapping-your-neck. Ciel would pace the floor anxiously for 47 minutes, run up to the jail bars anticipating the jail guard for 34 minutes, then sit in a corner, his belly growling so much, that the rats and cock roaches infesting the joint began to look rather tasty and juicy to him. Then after struggling 66 minutes against the urge of eating cock roaches for breakfast, Ciel would run over to the sick Sebastian in bed and pretend to show him some love and compassion for 63 minutes, and then go back pacing the floor for another 47 minutes. This went on for 5 1/4 rounds.

Finally on the 1/4 of what would be a sixth round of that nonsense, the guard with the infernal whistle comes by, just in time for our 19th century Chinese drug dealer to pop his head out of the window bars and onto the floor. Ciel runs up to the barred door, trampling over Lau's miserable sore head, yelling at the guard, "Listen! I want my call to the Phantomhive Manor! I need to speak with one of my servants at once! I'm not a murderer! I'm the Earl of Phantomhiiiiiiiiiiiive!"

The guard looks for a moment... then laughs. He drags his feet up to the jail bars with a drunk grin. "Look at you, ya' pitiful pathetic little bastard maggot!" the drunkard calling himself a guard starts, "what can you do, eh?" "WHAT?" goes an uncharacteristically angry Ciel, who's voice is starting to get hoarse from screaming. "LET ME CALL MY MANOR, SO MY SERVANTS CAN IDENTIFY MEEEEE! DO IT NOW, BEFORE I SUMMON MY BUTLER ON YOU!" The guard looks at sore head Lau, thinking that he was the butler. "You think squinty is going to save your ass, punk?" the guard laughs, "No HE is!" Ciel screams pointing at Sebastian, who's passionately hugging a waste basket, while vomiting his heart and soul into it.

This causes the guard to laugh almost like Undertaker, as it quakes the other cells. He had no words for this one. Ciel was outraged, and screams to the hilt of his lungs, "SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS! I ORDER YOU TO BREAK US FREE SO I CAN MAKE MY PHONE CAAAAALLL!" Sebastian slowly looks up at Ciel quite pitifully. This is so embarrassing for a demon of his caliber, but he had a good reason to be sick as, he really wasn't sick technically. He pulls himself up some and crawls to Ciel's feet, the look on his face is quite pleading. "Maasst-st...mast-eer" croaks a very weak butler, "I apologize, bu-but... I've been trying to tell you-" "SEBASTIAN GET UP NOW!" Ciel screams in a hoarse voice sounding a bit monstrous for a wittle kid. He stumps his foot onto Sebastian's chest making him wince a bit, while screaming for him to get up.

The guard is laughing up some severe thunderstorms, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes and some other natural disasters I can't think up at this moment. But, then comes a convenient janitorial maid seeing the incident. By the time she had arrived, Ciel was kneeling beside Sebastian, and it looked like the guard did something cruel to the prisoners. The guard's laughter was interrupted as he was bashed in the head with a broom. "Why you brute! You monster! Abusing these poor prisoners and, OMG! a little child is in there!" cries the over weight maid, "He's the prime suspect for murder..." the guard yells in his defense, only to get bashed again. "You poor dear, is there anything I could do-?" "Yes..." hisses what sounds like a baby pterodactyl, which was actually Ciel's new hoarse voice. "Let me have my phone call... that's all"

"Y-Yes no problem... Let me help ya here..." The maid unlocks Ciel and lets him out to speak on the phone. Ciel is taken to that place where prisoners make phone calls *whatever its called*. Ciel stumps there tired and **angry**, he sits **angry**, he dials the phone **angry**, and even puts it to his ear as **angry** as possible.

The phone rings at the Phantomhive, Tanaka was taking a break from his poorly executed belly dancing to sip tea. He answers the phone "ho ho ho", then a scaly alligator speaks on the other line "OARONOGHSDOF-" "HOHOHO!" the poor wittle Tanaka, dressed in the Bollywood slut outfit, runs behind the sofa, quivering. He points to the telephone as if a monster. Finnian saw this and answers the phone next, "Phantomhive manor" then the creepy pterodactyl speaks again, scaring our gardener shitless, "OARONOGHSDOF-" "AHHHHHHHH! ALLIGATOR MONSTER!" Finnian runs and joins Tanaka's quivering little head behind the sofa... A Meyrin, Bard, Prince Soma and an Agni later, the phone was left hanging while six quivering heads were eying it from behind the sofa, fearing said alligator/boogey-man/zombie/man-eating hellbeast on the other line.

Ciel hangs up... **angrily**. The maid was nice though, "I'll take you to the chief of police, and maybe you could square a deal" Ciel does so, and after several hours of numerous details too complicated to enumerate on for this fic, Ciel talks... erm, bribes the police chief into letting him, Lau and Sebastian go, under the condition that they find the supposed killer of Eugene Fehr. Ciel returns to his jail cell, his throat so sore and voice so deformed for from screaming so much. He sees Lau besides Sebastian with a very happy expression on his face. Ciel decides to sneak up, so he could eavesdrop a little.

"This is happy news to me" starts the pervy tea trader, "and this all explains the Earl's luck then..." "My apologies, though I tried, I simply can't inform my master of this eh, _occurrence_... this is quite embarrassing for a demon of my pedigree..." says the weak butler, but the man besides him just chuckles, "but now your master can never deny you of anything, until... y'know..."... "What are you talking about?" says the creature from the dark lagoon. Such soul ripping, rugged voice shutters enough fear to cause the Chinese drug dealer, and the demon butler to jump in fear... only to see, it's just a boy... a Ciel at that. "What are you two looking at?" says our laryngitic adolescent. "Let's go while we can..." "But young Earl, your butler is sick with a condition..." Lau adds, "well" says Ciel, his wittle throat so sore and hoarse, "if he wants a warm bed of fine linen in an elegant mansion to sleep his sickness off, versus a cheap government issued cot in a rat and roach infested dungeon, then he'll walk his ass to my manor... without a problem..."

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><p>Ciel was now walking back to his manor, on his sore, achy, flat feet. But at least he was just carrying his own weight. Ciel made Lau carry Sebastian on his back, since Sebastian was too sick to walk... or talk... or move... or, ya'know, and Ciel knew far too well he couldn't do anything without his trusty butler. No sireeee! He couldn't dress without his butler, he couldn't brush his teeth without his butler, he couldn't tolerate the inferno known as the "Phantomhive House members" without his butler, Ciel couldn't <strong>even<strong> go to the bathroom and shit, without his butler *yes I know that's gross, but it's true*.

Ciel treks the streets of London in shamefully tattered clothes, decorated with jail grime and soot. Lau follows with the ailing butler on his back, the two were also in the same condition of the young earl. The strong aroma and of jail cell essence followed the trio, chasing away people, horses, children, cats, dogs, rats, hobos, cut throats, bears, pigs, flies, you name it. None of this really mattered. All that did was getting to the Phantomhive Manor, and if the slightest thing was caught out of place, killing every ass at the manor would be the second priority. Ciel had never possessed will like this before. This little bugger was like a man on a mission from God.

Lau happily carries the heavy 6ft demon on his back, all due to common Chinese superstitions about offending someone in Sebastian's condition.

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><p>They arrive at the Phantomhive's. Everyone, including us, are glad to see the Phantomhive Mansion gates. Strangely they were left open, but it doesn't matter to this trio. They run up to the front door, hearing something like an elephant with stomach ache and diarrhea. "What the bloody hell?" goes our once dignified Earl, who's IQ been been dropping since the paddy wagon episode. He and Lau peeks into the window, and nearly died of extreme gastrointestinal disruption (clinical terminology for massive farting). They saw Soma sprawled out on Ciel's elegant Edwardian sofa, eating curry, surrounded by homely, half naked, girls in some Bollywood belly dancing uniforms. Agni was in a corner somewhere, not sure where, being a one man Indian music band, accounting for that elephant with diarrhea we heard earlier.<p>

"Why the bloody nerve of that son of a- *deep breath* I spend ONE night away from my mansion, and Soma comes along and manages to turn it into a whorehouse...! With UGLY whores at that!" fretting the incredibly angered Earl, his eye starting up the twitching again. Ciel calmly searches his pockets for his keys, "You just wait until I get my hands on that... wait a minute" "Is something troubling you, young Earl?" Ciel glares him with his twitching irately eye, then hisses with his alligator voice "the keys... I left my keys at the jail..." Lau had a pleading look on his face, he just carried Sebastian's big ol' heavy ass all the way to the mansion.

"Oh young Master Phantomhive..." quakes the voice of a very scared Chinese, "Uh, I suppose we should go back and-" "What do you mean **we**?" Ciel's cold, sadistic nature was coming back, "you want a place to stay am I right? Then YOU go back and retrieve my keys. Unless you wish to lie on the grass..." "Sebastian..." says Lau, but Sebastian deliberately doesn't wake. "Sebastian please, I must retrieve the keys for your master..." Sebastian has a shadow of a smile on his face as he never wakes up.

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><p>Lau ran all the way back to jail, while Sebastian was piggy backing him, stands in one hell of a long line out the door, deals with the incredibly rude and uncooperative clerks and police, finally retrieves Ciel's keys and heads back. Half way on the road, Lau starts crawling on all fours from exhaustion with Sebastian on his back still. Everyone around were either "Laughing Out Loud", "Rolling On the Floor Laughing", or "Laughing their Asses Off". Even their asses were laughing at this sight.<p>

Lau returns on all fours, panting to death then handing Ciel the keys. Ciel ungratefully snatches them and opens his front door. EVERYONE freezes at the sight of this flaming titan coming to purge his mansion of motherfucking idiots. "SOMA..." Everyone jumps back, hearing Ciel's hoarse, laryngitic voice, sounding like the monster in your closet. "Namaste my little Earl of England! C-Come join me in s-some curry and drin-drinks!" Soma stammers, honestly trying to act as if nothing's wrong. Though Ciel's IQ had dropped a few bars, he wasn't that stupid. Something savage turns in the young Earl as he roars and pounces Soma, scratching and socking the prince, hoping leave some scratches, bruised lip or eyes, and prayerfully knock some teeth out.

"SOARNERFODGNDSF please I can explain! AAAAAAAAAHHH not the face!" Soma cries, getting his ass pummeled by the roaring adolescent. Agni steps in to defend his prince, only for Ciel to grab a random sitar and knock Agni to Kingdom Come. Ciel jumps off, ready to yell at the whores of Soma's "party". "GET OUT OF MY MANSION NOW!" his T-rex voice yells as one of the whores sips his tea, with a "ho ho ho". Ciel stares a minute, realizing the Phantomhive servants _were_the whores. Ciel had been through enough to lose his mind and go violent... but instead, he looks up, and starts chuckling... he shockingly chuckles at the sight of this. It's scaring the shit out of everyone right now. But Ciel decided that wasn't bad enough, his chuckling evolves into hysterical ROFL LMAO type of laughter.

Lau drags his tired butt in with the heavy butler on his back, and drops him onto a chair. "I am glad to see young master is content with the issues in hand" goes the Confucius wannabe, "maybe now you could-" "I'm laughing because, **_that_**, is funny!" Ciel says pointing to his servants. Everyone was dressed in those bellydancing slut clothes, Maylene, Finnian... even Bard. Can you just picture Bard wearing some ornamental silky pink panties and bra, with a sari and belly dancing? The minute you picture that, you will understand Ciel's maniacal laughter. Everyone laughs at this situation as well, except Bard, who curses demonic profanity and rips off the uniform -_- and mistakenly becomes nude. Everyone laughs even harder; Ciel had never felt... better.

"Well I believe I'm too cracked up to be irate any longer the rest of this evening" Ciel says, for the first time smiling. "Very good" Lau starts, "Because-" "Sebastian" Ciel interrupts, "clean this mess at once, prepare the guestrooms for the guests and fix dinner... oh and bring me some tea, I'm thirsty now..." "That's what I need talk about" Lau starts again, "Mr. Michaelis will not be able to service you for a period, and ancient wisdom would say forcing him to do so in his current condition will cause more bad luck" "What do you mean?" Ciel asks, that quickly, he was getting irate again. "Ah yes, Sebastian, you tell him... _before_ I do..."

Sebastian gulps at Lau's words. He weakly stands, monster size butterfiles were in his stomach as he is ready to break the news. "My young master, I was trying to tell you uh... *blushing* a "little" visitor is coming to stay with us soon... uh, since that night you and I were together, we-" "OUT WITH IT!" Ciel screams, his eye and lip start a twitching waltz. Sebastian freezes, "Well master, I- I'm expecting a visitor to come by, some time from now..." Everyone's jaws starts dropping wide open. Your jaw is now dropping wide open... MY jaw is now dropping wide open...

Sebastian takes a breath, and opens his mouth, right as Lau jumps and says with a devious chuckle, "he's pregnant..." Everyone gives a slight chuckle, while staring wide eyed and aimlessly at Sebastian and Ciel. "Congratulations you two," Lau starts with sarcastic, mocking tone, "now be sure to be kind and serve your expectant wife well, unless you want to be cursed, like you have been these past few days...". Ciel, looks with a straight face. He couldn't think about anything, he couldn't feel anything, and everything he said about not being irate the rest of the night, goes out the window. He was sooooo outraged, the only response he had was not yelling, nor throwing a tantrum... just simply falling backwards, flat on his back, out cold.

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><p>Okay this is like a filler chapter for me and the next chapter is better to me... whatever. Anyway, tell me what ya' think, I love your past reviews, and I'll love even more feedback. Trust me, I read your reviews over, and over for hours. They keep me going :D<p>

Poor Ciel, what a rough time, and for it all to end with him learning, he's Sebastian's baby daddy X"D that means... SEBASTIAN'S CIEL'S BABY MAMMA :O That's like 8D

Oh and please visit the other story in development as I'm updating it soon, "The Night Tears Fall"

Anyway thanks for your support, it encourages me to do more for everyone!

~Pe4C3! 


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